The Future is Past
by Kernow66
Summary: Fictional future scenarios in the McElliot lives but based on quotes or part quotes from Caroline or Kate from the actual TV series in an attempt to subvert or change the original meaning...or maybe even show that they've moved on! As usual the characters are not mine, they belong to Sally Wainwright & the BBC but I will attempt to play nicely and leave them 'unmarked'.
1. Chapter 1

**"You're going to have to say it."** [S1, Ep2 - Caroline to Kate]

"What is it you want darling?" Kate looked at her daughter as the 11 month old sat down heavily on the bottom stair, her lip wobbling.

"Wawaw! Wawaw!"

"Sweetheart, if I knew what you wanted, I would do my best to get it for you", Kate sighed as she said it. _How can I not understand my own daughter? I'm a bloody languages teacher but I can't decipher what an 11 month old is trying to communicate to me!_

"Wawaw!"

Kate decided to try the age old method of distraction, "Olivia, shall we go and play with your skittles?"

"Wawaw." Olivia was adamant.

"How about if we watch your programme?"

Olivia stuck her chin out defiantly, "Wawaw."

_God, that is Caroline to a tee! How can she be biologically unrelated to her but have picked up so many of her traits?_ "Darling, shall we have a tea party?"

Olivia looked at her interestedly but tried one last, "Wawaw?"

"Not wawaw, no. We'll have a tea party instead." Kate held her hand out and after a pause and a thoughtful look (that again seemed to look like Caroline minus the piercing blue eyes), Olivia took her mum's hand and allowed herself to be led (and partly supported as her toddling hadn't quite developed to the levels required for totally independent walking) to the conservatory.

* * *

At Sulgrave Heath, Caroline was having a similarly frustrating non-conversation with her youngest son.

"Lawrence, if you won't tell me what the hell is at the root of this, how can I hope to understand?" The blonde headmistress looked at the recalcitrant teenager over her glasses from her seat behind her desk.

"Doesn't matter. You wouldn't understand anyway."

Caroline sighed inwardly. "Well, if you won't help me understand by trying to explain I'm just going to have to accept Mrs Hardy's version of events: that you had an argument in the middle of her class and hit George Sullivan." She allowed herself to sigh outwardly, "Lawrence, this isn't like you. Why did you hit George?"

"He pissed me off."

"Lots of things piss me off, on an almost hourly basis, but I can't get away with hitting people. And neither can you." She paused, then tried a different tack, "Did he insult you?"

"Well, yeah."

Lawrence's tone was insolent (all that seemed to be missing was the 'duh') but Caroline bit her tongue. "Ok. In what way?" There was no reply so Caroline tried again, "What did he say?" Still no reply. Caroline snapped, "Fine. If that's the way you want to play it. You will attend detention for the next week as Mrs Hardy said...and until you can treat me with a little respect and we can have an adult conversation you're grounded out of school as well."

Lawrence scoffed quietly, "Yeah, whatever."

Caroline gritted her teeth, "Insolence isn't helping you Lawrence. You've just lost your Xbox for a week too." She looked at her son, almost daring him to answer back. He said nothing. "Right, let's go home. I'm sure you have homework to do...which will also include writing a letter to Mr and Mrs Sullivan to apologise for hitting their son." Lawrence raised his eyes in horror to meet his mother's clear gaze but he wisely decided to say nothing further.

* * *

Caroline arrived home feeling frazzled. The conversation in the car with Lawrence had been nil so she'd turned the radio up to provide some light relief and forced jollity but if she was honest, all it'd done was to give her the start of a headache. As soon as they entered the house Lawrence disappeared upstairs and she heard the distant slam of his bedroom door. She walked into the kitchen to see Kate cooking and Olivia in her playpen at the edge of the dining room, where her mum could see her but she was out of the way enough to be safe.

"Ah my two beautiful girls", Caroline smiled at them.

Kate turned away from the stove, "Hi sweetheart." She came over and gave Caroline a kiss then drew back and stroked the blonde woman's forehead with her fingertips. "You ok, you look...stressed?"

From the playpen Olivia shouted, "Mama, mama, mama!"

Caroline smiled, "A bit. Lawrence has been a little..." she stopped herself saying what she was originally going to, "...trying." She walked over to the playpen. "Hello darling."

Olivia lifted her little arms toward the woman she instinctively called 'mama' (as opposed to the 'mumum' she seemed to call Kate) wanting to be picked up. Caroline obliged, picking her up and kissing her cheek before blowing a raspberry on her chubby neck. Olivia giggled, then looked quizzically at Caroline, "Wawaw?"

Caroline transferred her quizzical look to Kate, "Wawaw?"

Kate sighed, "I wish I knew. I've been trying to interpret that request all day but it seems to be beyond my language skills."

"Maybe Lawrence will know...although he's...not in the good books at the moment so may not feel...obliging."

"Why, what's happened?" Kate looked concerned.

"Well...he had an argument with George Sullivan in Rosemary's class and ended up hitting him."

"He hit him?! That doesn't sound like Lawrence. Why did he do that?"

"I wish I knew", Caroline sighed, "He won't tell me anything, other than George annoyed him and possibly insulted him in some way. He's in detention for the rest of the week, I've grounded him and had to ban him from his Xbox too." Kate raised her eyebrows in surprise and Caroline said, "I had to Kate, he was being a little...s h i t...", she spelled the word instead of saying it in front of Olivia, "...I grounded him and he just said insolently, 'whatever'. I wanted to slap him."

"Where's Lawrence now, in his room?"

"Yep. I'd better go and remove the Xbox I suppose."

"Wawaw", Olivia cut in, "Wawaw."

Caroline looked at her and smiled, "Nice suggestion, chubby cheeks, but wawaw just isn't going to cut it this time."

"Dow. Dow." Olivia wriggled in Caroline's arms, wanting to be put down.

"Shall I try and talk to him?" Kate's offer was genuine.

"You can try, darling but he seems so...distant at the moment." Caroline walked to the playpen to put Olivia back down.

As soon as Olivia touched the floor however, she had other ideas. "Up! Up! Wawaw! Wawaw!"

"Up or down Olivia? You can't have both, darling."

Kate looked at her partner lovingly. Caroline was always so patient with Olivia, despite the other stresses in her life and the long hours she often worked. "Caroline, how about you keep an eye on this...it just needs to simmer for the next 20 minutes or so...and I'll take Olivia upstairs with me and see if I can get Lawrence to talk?"

"You sure? You can leave Olivia with me?"

"No, Olivia is my 'break the ice' tool, you know how well they get on." Kate grinned, bending down to pick her out of the playpen.

Kate knocked on Lawrence's bedroom door. There was no immediate reply but cutely Olivia leaned out of her arms and tried to knock as well. Just as she was doing that Lawrence pulled the door open with his Xbox in his hands, obviously thinking it was his mother come to exact the punishment she had meted out. He drew up a little short when he saw it was Kate and Olivia as he clearly felt wrong-footed.

"Wawaw!" Olivia beamed at the teenager and leaned forward to be taken by him.

"Ah right, she's saying your name, Lawrence! That has been driving me mad all day!" Kate felt the relief of enlightenment.

"Yeah...she started saying that the other day, didn't I tell you?" Lawrence looked a little bashful.

Kate smiled, "Can we come in? Olivia clearly wants to see her big brother, she's been asking for you all day...now I understand what she's been saying!"

Lawrence stood to one side uncomfortably, "Yeah sure." He walked across the room and put his games console on his desk then went and sat on his bed.

Kate walked across the room and deposited Olivia on the bed next to Lawrence. She giggled and pulled herself up to stand next to her big brother looking at him almost coyly, "Wawaw".

He smiled at her, "Hey Livvy-Loo, how'd you do."

She beamed and crawled onto his lap. Lawrence held her and jiggled her up and down on his knee.

Kate, thinking this was as good a time as any to try to get through to him, said, "So...I hear there was some problem at school today."

Lawrence grimaced, "Mmmm."

"Not like you to get wound up enough to hit someone." Kate was deliberately keeping her tone light. "What did George say to get to you?"

"He's a tw...onk." He managed to change what he was going to say halfway through when he remembered Olivia was there.

"Uh huh. Don't you two play rugby together?"

"Yeah, sometimes." Olivia threw herself back against Lawrence in an attempt to get him to start the game again and he caught her, "Careful Olivia, you'll hurt yourself."

She smiled up at him, "Wawaw."

"She adores you", said Kate quietly. "She's going to look up to you all through her life. It's quite a responsibility, making sure you set her a good example."

"I know what you're trying to do", said Lawrence.

"All I'm trying to do is to understand why you're unhappy." Kate put her hand on his shoulder, "Just tell me Lawrence, I might be able to help."

"You'll just be upset", he mumbled.

"I'm a big girl Lawrence, I can handle it." She paused then ventured, "Was what George said about me...or Olivia?"

Lawrence looked mortified, then nodded.

Kate looked into his face and saw tears in his eyes. "What did he say?"

Lawrence swallowed, "He said...Olivia wasn't my proper sister and...I was part of a...screwed up pretend family."

Kate squeezed his shoulder, "Lawrence, that's just not true. What makes a proper family is love. Your mum loves you, I love you and Olivia definitely loves you. That makes us a family in my book. And...to be honest, George is probably jealous...he doesn't have any brothers or sisters, does he?"

"No, don't think so."

"You know you should've ignored him, don't you?" Kate said to Lawrence gently.

"S'pose."

Kate ruffled his hair, "C'mon then, bring your sister down, dinner's almost ready."

Lawrence picked up Olivia, "Dinner time, Livvy-Loo."

"Wawaw."

* * *

Later that night, in bed, Caroline burrowed her way past Kate's book to kiss her neck.

Kate smiled, "What was that for?"

"For you...because you're fabulous."

Kate pretended to carry on reading, "Yes, I am."

Caroline nuzzled her girlfriend's neck, "Mmmmmm...yes you are."

Kate tried to keep a straight face, "I can't see my book with you there."

"Are you sure you want to read?" Caroline nibbled Kate's neck.

"Why, what else did you have in mind?"

"You _know_...", Caroline said in as suggestive manner as she could muster as she kissed her way around Kate's jaw and towards her mouth.

"No...tell me."

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Nope."

"Kate!" Caroline nibbled the corner of the younger woman's mouth.

Kate smiled, "You're going to have to say it, Caroline..."


	2. Chapter 2

_**"...I'm just not ready...to go there."**_ [S1, Ep1, Caroline to Kate]

Caroline drew up outside the house, feeling relieved to be home. It hadn't been a particularly long or arduous day in the great scheme of things but she always felt a sense of satisfaction and relief to be home. Despite her misgivings about selling the house she'd owned with John and had painstakingly restored and redecorated over the years, in retrospect selling it had been one of the best things she'd ever done. Or to be more accurate, buying this house with Kate had been one of the best things she'd ever done. She now felt she had a home, whereas before she'd had a house: a beautiful house granted but a house nonetheless.

Coming home now always meant coming home to Kate, even when it was one of the three days in the week where she'd been at school with Caroline anyway. Home was Kate and Olivia and Lawrence, and William when he was home from university, as he was now for a few days. Home was where she belonged. She smiled at herself wryly, remembering how reluctant she'd been to sell the old house and how scared she'd been of being open about her relationship with Kate. _What an idiot I was! _What she had now was worth...everything.

She got out of the car, gathering her papers and her bag and let herself into the house. She could hear William talking to Olivia in the living room and the little girl chatting back in her cute mixture of part words, non-words and sounds. She popped her head in the kitchen first , thinking Kate might be there but there was no sign of her so she wandered into the living room.

"Mama! Mama!" Olivia was always excited to see her and it never failed to make Caroline's heart leap at the sight of her innocent little girl.

"Mum, hi", William looked a little worried.

Caroline walked over and swung Olivia into her arms to give her a kiss hello. "Hello, sweetheart."

"'lo mama." She wriggled to get down again so Caroline deposited her gently back on the floor and she started playing with her bricks again.

"Hi William, is something wrong, you look worried?"

"Well...maybe."

"Go on."

"Well, Kate took a phone call about...well I suppose it was about 40 minutes ago...and she just...well...she left. She just asked me to stay with Olivia until you got home and she left."

"She didn't say where she was going?"

"No. She looked very...upset though."

"Who was the phone call from, do you know?"

"No, sorry. She didn't say."

Caroline fished her phone out of her bag and dialled Kate's mobile. It rang and then, from the kitchen she heard the recognisable ringtone. Following the sound she found Kate's phone on the countertop. She swore quietly as she picked it up and disconnected her call, then she had a brainwave and looked at the call history on Kate's phone. Sure enough there was a call received 47 minutes previously, from Kate's mum.

Caroline dialled Kate's mum's number from her own phone. It was answered within a couple of rings.

"Hello. Caroline?"

"Yes. Hello Grace."

"Is Kate with you?"

Caroline's blood ran cold, "No. All I know is that she left the house after you called her. What's going on Grace?"

"Oh Caroline." Grace's voice broke.

"Grace? What's happened?"

"It's Thomas...Kate's father...he's...passed away."

"Oh Grace, I'm so sorry!"

Grace seemed to pull herself together on the other end of the phone. "Thank you dear."

"Grace, what did Kate say when you told her? Was she coming to be with you?" Caroline tried not to sound as desperate as she felt.

"I don't know Caroline. She started to cry...and I did my best to soothe her...and then I asked if she wanted to come with me...to see him. She was really...choked up...and she said something like...'I'm not ready'...then she hung up. I thought she might be on her way...but I haven't seen her."

"Grace do you have any idea where she might go...if she's not with you or at the home?"

"No...not that immediately comes to mind...sorry dear."

"Ok Grace don't worry...I'm sure she'll turn up...but if she does come to you, will you let me know?"

"Of course. And Caroline, let me know when you find her...my little girl?"

"Of course I will Grace. And I _am_ sorry you know...about Thomas."

"Yes. Thank you."

The call ended and Caroline was left feeling adrift in a sea of uncertainty. She tried to slow her racing heart and stop herself panicking. She made herself sit down and try to think rationally, _where would she go, where would she go?_

Gradually Caroline started to piece together fragments of conversations she'd had with Kate about her dad. He was musical...played the trumpet...he was very proud of his daughter being a teacher...he used to take her to concerts... _Could that be it? Might she have gone to a musical venue? Think Caroline, think!_

William came in carrying Olivia, "So do you know where Kate's gone?"

"No...but I know _why_ she's gone." William looked quizzically at her, "I spoke to her mum. Her dad's died."

"Oh no." William looked shocked.

"The thing is William...she's not with her mum...and I don't know where she is!" Caroline looked stricken then asked, "Did she ever say anything to you about her dad...maybe where they used to go together?"

"Ummm..."

"Think William!" Caroline tried not to sound hysterical but she felt like she was getting close.

William delved into his memory to recall conversations he'd had with Kate as Caroline watched him intently. Suddenly William lit up, "She told me that they used to go walking together...when she was a teenager."

"Oh my god, yes! She told me about that...about feeling like it was the top of the world. It was...Almscliffe Crag!" Caroline sprang to her feet. "William, are you ok to look after Olivia?"

"Yes but...mum, going up to Almscliffe Crag in that outfit, isn't very clever. You'll break your ankles in those shoes!"

Caroline ran upstairs and changed into jeans and a sweater and put on her walking boots. She appeared downstairs again in a matter of minutes, kissed Olivia and got back in her car. It took just 20 minutes to get to Almscliffe Crag, where she parked by the side of the road and walked to the crag.

Despite the weather being quite clement for late April, it was windy up here where it was high and exposed. Caroline felt glad that she'd put a fairly thick sweater on as she walked up to the crag. She'd forgotten quite how imposing a natural structure it was; it must have been more than seven years since she'd been up here, her and John, walking with the boys, trying to get rid of some of their youthful energy.

She walked purposefully towards the side of the crag that was lower and more accessible for people to climb without ropes and more specialist equipment. There were still a few people around on this spring late afternoon but with the scale of the natural structure, each person could feel like they were on their own. She understood therefore why Kate might have come here and she hoped to god that she had, as if she wasn't here Caroline really didn't have a clue where to look.

The rock, where it was illuminated thinly in the late afternoon sun took on a soft brown hue that became more green the closer Caroline walked towards it. In shadow, the crag was dark and unprepossessing and it gave her a depressing feeling of foreboding that she tried to shake off, not allowing herself to think of the worst possible outcomes: that she either couldn't find Kate or that something had happened to her. She continued to walk around the crag, all the while scanning its heights for a sign of the woman she loved.

She stepped out and around some low lying rocks and then around a small crowd of teenagers who were coming the other way. When she looked up at the main crag again, she was further away and was able to spot, on a small, partly recessed rock shelf, a seated figure, hugging her knees, looking way out into the distance across the landscape.

"Kate", Caroline said quietly, her heart rate racing again, rather than calming down at the sight of her girlfriend. She looked at the crag again in order to figure out how best to get to where Kate was and after a few seconds' deliberation, she made her way towards the rocky outcrop.

It took longer than Caroline thought it would to walk and then half climb, half scramble her way up to where Kate was and it didn't help that she lost sight of where the recessed shelf was once she had started out so she was working from memory. Eventually however she found herself on a small plateau, in front of her was a rock shelf jutting out slightly and there sat Kate. The dark woman looked small and vulnerable as she sat there hugging her knees and staring into the distance.

Caroline walked across and climbed down to the small shelf before sitting next to Kate wordlessly. Kate looked at her and said, "Caroline", almost as if she wasn't sure it was her.

Caroline put her arm around Kate's shoulder, "Kate, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." She tried to pull Kate's body into hers to offer some comfort but the younger woman stayed hugging her knees and didn't allow herself to be hugged. Caroline was shocked at Kate's withdrawal; she'd never not allowed Caroline to show affection toward her before, at least not since they'd been back together. The blonde headmistress took her arm from around Kate's shoulders trying not to feel rejected, "Kate, darling, talk to me."

"I've got nothing to say."

"How're you feeling?"

"Fine."

Caroline decided to call Kate's bluff, "Uh huh. Then why're you here?"

"It's a nice place to be." Kate still hadn't looked at Caroline, other than her initial glance of recognition.

Caroline turned to properly look at Kate. "You told me that you used to come here with your dad." Kate didn't reply so Caroline pressed on, "You said you'd walk up here and he'd help you climb up the crag. Is this where you'd sit?" Kate continued to look out to the horizon but Caroline detected a stifled gasp from the younger woman. She felt bad but realised she needed to press on to get Kate to open up. "Didn't you say that your dad used to tell you it was the top of the world?"

A single fat tear escaped from Kate's eye and ran unbidden down her cheek. Caroline said gently, "Kate, it's ok you know...to be sad...to grieve."

Kate continued to stare out at the beautiful landscape but she couldn't stop the tears that started to pour down her face. She started to gently rock backwards and forwards as she spoke, "I know...he hadn't really been...here properly for a while but I wasn't ready to lose him...I'm just not ready...to go there Caroline. I'm not ready!"

Caroline pulled her girlfriend into a hug and this time Kate let her. The blonde woman held her and rocked her like a child as Kate sobbed into her shoulder, letting out her pain and grief. Caroline stroked Kate's hair and kissed her head, soothing her, holding her, trying to absorb at least some of her pain...

That night, Caroline came out of the bathroom to find Kate already in bed. The dark woman looked small and vulnerable as she lay snuggled under the duvet but her sad eyes didn't leave Caroline as she walked naked across the room. The blonde headmistress got into bed but as she turned to switch off the bedside lamp Kate said quietly, "No, leave the light on...I want to see you."

Caroline turned back towards Kate, stroked her face and leaned into kiss her gently. Kate accepted the kiss and returned it, kissing Caroline ravenously, passionately. Caroline tried to slow things down, to make the kiss softer, slower but Kate was having none of it. She opened her mouth onto Caroline's, licking her lower lip hungrily before seeking out her tongue. Kate rolled over pulling Caroline on top of her, holding her hips firmly, fitting the blonde woman's pelvis against her like that's where it belonged. She pulled away from Caroline's mouth to say hoarsely, "I want you Caroline. I need you to touch me."

Caroline looked into Kate's eyes, trying to read the cavern of emotion there. "Sweetheart, are you sure?"

Kate nodded, her expression serious, "Yes. I want to feel you...I want you to touch me."

Caroline realised that Kate needed a physical connection but she was still a little wary of the almost desperate passion she could feel in her girlfriend's touch. Nevertheless she was happy to try to give Kate what she needed at that point.

Their lovemaking, dictated by Kate's need, was fierce and passionate. The dark woman sought an unashamed physical connection and demanded her terms. When Caroline tried to take her time in pleasing Kate, the dark woman gave clear vocalisation in her husky instruction, "Inside. I want you inside me..._now_ Caroline!" She groaned as Caroline obliged and as she moved her hips in time with her lover's hand, she demanded, "Harder. More...yes. Harder." Kate's passion built and built and her movements became more feverish and intense as she raced towards the climax that, when it came, was strong and intense and the dark woman embraced it with an almost animalistic noise of release as she arched and then shuddered in Caroline's arms.

After Kate had stopped shuddering, Caroline started to gently withdraw her fingers but the dark woman stopped her with a serious, "No" and to make her point she gripped the blonde woman's wrist to halt the movement before she said more gently, "Not yet." Caroline lifted her head and kissed Kate gently, happy to give her whatever she wanted, whatever she needed.

After a while Kate let go of Caroline's wrist and Caroline looked into Kate's eyes, asking a wordless question. Kate nodded and Caroline gently withdrew her fingers. Kate looked at the blonde headmistress and started to cry. Tears ran down her cheeks and she looked helplessly at her girlfriend. Caroline folded her into her arms and held her while she cried herself to sleep...

A week later, Kate sat with her mum and Caroline in the funeral car as it drew to a halt outside the church. Kate looked at her girlfriend, "Caroline, I don't think I can do this...I'm not ready..."

Caroline gently squeezed Kate's hand and stroked her face, "You're not on your own Kate, I'm with you, we'll do this together." Kate looked into Caroline's serious blue eyed gaze for a few moments, then nodded and they got out of the car together.


	3. Chapter 3

**_"Oh. You've made a start."_** [S2, Ep4 - Caroline to Kate]

"Kate! Where are you sweetheart?!"

"Up here Caroline." Kate called down to her girlfriend from upstairs.

Caroline climbed the stairs and found Kate on the landing looking suspicious.

"What're you doing?" Caroline smiled at her girlfriend.

"Nothing."

Caroline walked towards Kate smiling, "Uh huh...what kind of _nothing_ would that be then?"

Kate put her arms around the blonde woman and kissed her cheek before trailing her lips across Caroline's jaw to her ear, "The nothing kind of nothing..."

"Kate, you're very good at diverting me...and I'm definitely enjoying your...distractions but...you're a rubbish liar." Caroline made no attempt to move away from Kate's ministrations however and it was clear she was definitely enjoying the feel of her girlfriend's lips on her skin but she made it clear she wasn't being fooled.

"Can't a woman kiss her girlfriend without being accused of subterfuge?!" Kate tried very hard to sound appalled at her girlfriend's insinuation but even to her own ears she didn't sound convincing.

"She can, yes. But...I'm not convinced of your total...innocence Ms McKenzie...despite how bloody sexy you are." Caroline smiled at Kate and kissed the corner of her mouth. "Right...have you tried the tester pots of paint yet? Are we still going for the muted apricot?" Caroline walked towards Olivia's room.

Kate darted in front of the blonde headmistress, blocking her way, "Umm...I haven't entirely decided yet."

Caroline was beginning to understand what was going on. "Ok. Let me have a look at the colours we've tried so far."

Kate braced herself on the door frame, "No need. I haven't...tried them all yet."

"Kate. What are you hiding?" Caroline was amused rather than annoyed.

"Hiding? What do you mean?"

Caroline smiled, "Can I get past sweetheart?"

"Do you..._need_ to?" Kate put her hands on Caroline's hips.

Caroline put her hands over Kate's, "Yes. I _need_ to." She removed Kate's hands from her hips and pounced on her, tickling her ribs. Kate gasped, batting her off, trying to get her to stop. Caroline then used her distraction to slip past Kate into Olivia's room.

Caroline stood inside the baby's bedroom, looking astounded. "Oh." She gaped at the wall. "You've...made a start."

Kate looked a little guilty as she stood behind her, "Just a small one."

"Kate, you've painted a whole wall. Bright yellow. Which definitely _isn't_ muted apricot."

"Caroline, sweetheart...I just thought that Olivia would maybe be more...stimulated by primary colours...and it is a very...happy colour."

"If by 'happy' you mean bright, then yes it definitely is." It's not however, what we agreed on...or what fits in with the rest of the decor of the house." Caroline was aware she was sounding pompous and somewhat overbearing but she felt a strong sense of right...both regarding the 'agreement' that she felt had been breached and the more subjective sense of taste when it came to decor.

"Caroline, she's a baby! She doesn't care about continuity of decor, she just wants to be stimulated and inspired." Kate looked at Caroline, astonished.

"Inspired? Kate, that's a bit over the top! Olivia is beautiful and probably very bright but I think you're over-reaching a bit with the 'inspired' comment."

Kate glared at her, "We're clearly not going to agree here so there's little point continuing to discuss it."

"It would seem not", Caroline was curt, "Looks like you've made up _our_ mind for us." She turned and left the room.

Kate, left alone in Olivia's bedroom, felt a bit shell-shocked. _Have we really just had an argument over the colour of a wall?_ She admitted to herself that she had made a unilateral decision about how to decorate Olivia's bedroom and she obviously had known that Caroline might not approve but in essence she couldn't really understand the problem. _Surely she was right and a brightly coloured room would be more appropriate for their little girl? _She sighed heavily as she studied the yellow wall...

* * *

Later that day, Caroline was in town having afternoon tea with her mother. Celia could clearly tell that something was wrong and asked her daughter, "So where's Kate and Olivia, I thought they were coming too?"

"Kate's taken Olivia to see her mum."

"Oh. A bit last minute isn't it? Is her mum ok?"

"Her mum's fine...but she hadn't seen her for a week or so and Grace misses Olivia."

There was a pause then Celia said quietly, "I was looking forward to seeing Olivia today too." She looked at Caroline sharply, "Have you and Kate had a row?"

Caroline looked at her mother with a surprised expression, she opened her mouth to say something but then clearly thought better of it as she closed her mouth again. After a short pause she said, "Why don't you come 'round...you and Alan...sometime next week for dinner...and you can spend some time with Olivia before she goes to bed?"

"That'd be nice love, yes." Celia smiled at her daughter. "So, have you and Kate had a row?"

Caroline rolled her eyes, "You missed your vocation, mum." Celia looked at her quizzically. "You should've put those interrogation skills to better use...maybe working for MI5?"

Celia tutted, "Well you're being so...evasive. And I worry about you...I don't like to see you unhappy."

Caroline softened at her mother's words, "Mum, I'm not unhappy but..we have had a...small...difference of opinion."

"What about?" Celia's question was to the point but then she tried to backtrack a little, to sound less intrusive, "...if you want to tell me of course."

Caroline laughed out loud at her mother's attempt to be circumspect, "Mum, you need to work on your subtlety...it's not quite there yet." Celia just continued to look at her, not saying anything and Caroline looked at her for a moment before saying quietly, "It seems a bit silly really...but we argued over what colour to paint Olivia's room."

Celia said dryly, "That does seem a bit silly, yes."

Caroline tried to explain, "No...see we'd agreed on a kind of muted apricot colour but Kate just went and painted a whole wall bright yellow...without even consulting me." She looked at her mother with an outraged expression.

Celia said wryly, "Yes. I can see why you'd be so annoyed. Yellow, in a child's room; what _was_ she thinking?!"

Caroline swallowed, feeling a little foolish but persisted in trying to persuade Celia of her viewpoint, "I thought we were trying to fit it in with the rest of the decor in the house...but it seems Kate changed her mind...without telling me."

"It's hardly a hanging offence Caroline! And it seems to me, you just need to adjust to living with someone who has an opinion on decoration and decor...it's not as if you ever had that before with John, he just let you do whatever you wanted with the house."

Caroline was quiet for a moment, then she said, "Don't beat around the bush mum, tell me how you really feel."

Celia smiled, "You just need to give a little bit Caroline. Sounds like Kate just wants a bright, colourful room for Olivia...it's not worth falling out over."

Caroline sighed, "No, I don't suppose it is."

* * *

"Caroline, are you upstairs?!" Kate shouted from the hallway, having arrived back home with Olivia.

Olivia decided to join in, "Mama! Mama!"

Caroline came to the top of the stairs, "Yes, I'm up here. How's your mum?"

"She's fine. Are you coming down?"

Caroline smiled, "Can you come up a moment?"

"I can...but why?"

"Up mumum, up!" Olivia jiggled in Kate's arms.

"Just...come up and see", Caroline seemed cutely excited about something.

_I hope she hasn't repainted in bloody muted apricot! _Kate tried not to be negative but she wasn't willing to allow Caroline to railroad her. She took a deep breath and climbed the stairs.

Caroline reached out and took Olivia from Kate, "Hello sweetheart", she kissed the little girl's cheek and Olivia then kissed her back, making a loud smacking sound as she did so.

Caroline laughed and leaned over to kiss Kate but the younger woman leaned away, "What have you done?"

Caroline raised her eyebrows in surprise but took Kate's hand, leading her into Olivia's room, "Come and see."

Kate walked into the room, having braced herself against seeing a swathe of muted apricot. The first thing she saw was the yellow wall she'd painted herself and she was immediately confused. Caroline saw her face and smiling, steered her around to the left so she was facing the adjoining wall.

"Look mumum, look!" Olivia shouted excitedly.

Kate gazed at the wall in amazement. It had gone from a plain wall to one adorned with a large rainbow, clouds, coloured stars and hot air balloons, the biggest of which was painted with Olivia's name.

"Oh Caroline!" Kate looked at her girlfriend in wonder, "It's...wonderful! Did you do this all yourself?"

Caroline looked a little bashful. "Well, the rainbow and the stars are just glorified stickers...but I painted the clouds and the balloons, yes."

Kate looked lovingly at her girlfriend, "You are...magnificent! And very talented! I didn't even know you could paint!"

"It's only a couple of clouds", Caroline muttered.

"Hardly!" Kate reached up to stroke her girlfriend's face. "It's fabulous, darling!" She took a breath then continued, "I'm sorry I avoided your kiss before...can I put that right now?"

Caroline leaned in and the two women kissed softly, tenderly, until Olivia leaned in from Kate's arms and placed a sloppy, smacking kiss on Caroline's cheek, trying to join in. The two women stopped kissing each other and laughed at their daughter, then kissed one of the small girl's cheeks each. Olivia giggled at her mothers' antics.

* * *

That night, Caroline came into the bedroom to see Kate already in bed. "So you left me to clear up so you could come to bed?" Caroline's words seemed accusatory but her eyes sparkled.

Kate smiled sexily, "I did tell you to leave it and I'd do it in the morning. In fact, I think I was quite..._clear_ about it."

Caroline returned Kate's smile, "Well, I've done it now. I think I'll just have a quick shower darling."

Kate threw back the duvet and said, more than a little suggestively, "You can if you like but...I've already _started_...without you...and I wouldn't want you to..._miss_ any more than you already have."

Caroline looked at Kate astonished and then her expression slowly changed to one of amusement and then undisguised sexual interest. She pulled her t shirt over her head in one fluid movement, dropping it on the floor, then unbuttoned her jeans and as she unzipped them she said, "No, now I'm _clear_ about what you want...I'm right with you!"


	4. Chapter 4

**_"It was meant to be you and me.." _**[S2, Ep4 – Kate to Caroline]

"Kate, darling, I know we're a bit late but there's no need for you to drive like...". she searched her mind for names of racing drivers, "...Lewis Hamilton. I've phoned the nursery, Olivia is fine and they're not going to just leave her on the step." Caroline put her hand soothingly on Kate's leg.

Kate took a deep breath and eased off the accelerator as the truth of her girlfriend's words sunk in. "Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I'm just a bit wound up...I hate being late...and mucking the nursery around."

"I know...but it's not like we make a habit of it...this is the first time it's happened."

Kate smiled, "Yes...we're normally very reliable." She slowed down and indicated to turn right but immediately noticed that the road she was due to turn into had been blocked off with a police cordon. "Oh shit, that's all we need. Now I'm going to have to go around the long way." She indicated left again to return to the stream of traffic she'd just left.

Caroline looked over her shoulder into the road that had been closed. "Bloody hell, that looks like a horrible accident, the fire brigade are there with cutting equipment and everything! Poor people, I hope they're ok."

They continued on their way, arriving at the nursery within ten minutes, where they collected Olivia and took her home.

Later that evening, the two were in the living room, having fed and bathed Olivia and put her to bed. (Lawrence was in his room, ostensibly doing his homework.) The news programme was on and Kate was watching it while Caroline half-watched it at the same time as opening her mail. Suddenly Kate exclaimed, "Oh my goodness, that's the accident we passed today!"

Caroline looked up at the screen and acknowledged that it was indeed that accident. They watched as the news reporter solemnly explained that two vehicles had been involved in a head-on collision around half an hour before they'd passed it that afternoon and that there had been two fatalities.

Kate looked shocked and said, "Bloody hell Caroline, if we hadn't been late, that could've been us!" Serious brown eyes looked into blue and she said, "But for the timing, maybe it was meant to be you and me in that crash?!" She continued without giving Caroline a chance to respond, "What would Olivia have done then? We haven't made any provisions for her at all!"

Caroline could see Kate starting to panic. She reached out to draw the younger woman into a hug and said, "Kate, darling, calm down. It wasn't us and Olivia is fine...but I take your point, we do need to do something about provisions for her. My previous will is null and void now I'm divorced, but we'll get some advice and get wills drawn up so that our wishes are recorded and Olivia...and the boys are taken care of. I'll phone Elizabeth tomorrow, ok?"

"Yes. Thanks." Kate reached up and cupped Caroline's face and kissed her sweetly. "I think I'm just annoyed with myself for not sorting it out before...we've had long enough, haven't we?"

"Yes, I suppose we have." Caroline looked a little chastened, "Sorry darling, I should've sorted it out before."

"It's not just up to you Caroline." Kate looked horrified that Caroline might've thought she was blaming her.

"I know...but I should've thought of it."

"Why? Cos you're the grown-up?" Kate was shocked at Caroline's assumption. "Caroline, we're a partnership, aren't we...an equal one?"

Caroline hesitated and then said, "Yes. We are...of course we are." She smiled, "Sometimes it still feels strange though...after being with John. I don't think I realised what a child he was...until a certain beautiful woman showed me what a proper relationship was."

Kate smiled, "A beautiful woman eh? I'll kill her!" She growled dramatically.

Caroline laughed, "Fool. You know you're the only beautiful woman in my life." She drew Kate to her and claimed her lips in a kiss...

* * *

The next day at mid morning, Caroline made the telephone call to their solicitor.

"Elizabeth, hi, it's Caroline Elliot."

"Hello Caroline, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you. Look, I won't keep you unnecessarily...Kate and I have realised that we have been a bit remiss and need to make new wills...can you help us?

"Of course, that shouldn't be a problem." She paused and then said, "Look, I know it can be a bit difficult for you to get in during the week what with you being in school all day and I'm working this next Saturday morning, so do you want to come in then, around 10 say?"

"That'd be great, thanks Elizabeth...we'll see you then."

* * *

At 10 o'clock on Saturday morning Kate and Caroline were in Elizabeth Barrett's office discussing their wills. Elizabeth asked them both if they already had wills. Kate said she hadn't and Caroline said, "Yes, but it was made when I was married...to my ex-husband, so I believe that's null and void now I'm divorced."

Elizabeth nodded, "Yes, you're right. If it was made when you were married, then upon your divorce it will have been invalidated."

Kate asked, "So, we can make new wills now without worrying about any previous wills?"

"Yes", Elizabeth said, "but similarly, I need to point out that any marriage or civil partnership either of you make in the future will generally invalidate any will you make now, unless you declare that you are making it in contemplation of marriage. That will then allow you to marry each other...if that's your intention in the future...without needing to make new wills."

"Then that's what we should probably do, don't you think?" Kate's comment was open but she turned to face Caroline as she said it. Caroline looked at Kate with a slightly shocked expression but said nothing. Kate continued, as if she felt that Caroline hadn't understood the point she was making, "We are intending to get married at some point, aren't we...so we should make wills that reflect that."

Caroline pulled herself together and said quietly, "Yes, of course...it makes sense." She looked away, focussing on Elizabeth, rather than Kate.

The rest of the meeting passed in a bit of a haze for Caroline, she felt a little like she was just going through the motions but that she wasn't completely present. She took her leave of Elizabeth without really knowing what had been agreed and then walked back to the car with Kate. She got into the passenger seat and Kate, in the driver's seat turned to her, "What's wrong?"

Caroline felt exposed and uncomfortable. The last time she could remember feeling this way was when she'd asked for another chance and Kate had told her, 'No. Thank you.' She'd felt like the rug had been pulled from under her that day, like her emotions had been trampled on and negated and right now she felt similarly.

Kate repeated her question, "Caroline, what's wrong?"

Caroline didn't know how to answer. She felt claustrophobic. She opened the car door and got out, leaning heavily against the side of the car. Kate looked worried as she followed Caroline, getting out of the car and coming around to the passenger side. She touched Caroline's arm, almost tentatively, "Darling...what's wrong...are you feeling ill?"

Something clicked in Caroline as she saw Kate's worried expression and she wanted to put her mind at rest. "Sorry. I'm ok.

Kate stroked Caroline's cheek, "No you're not. Talk to me. Something went wrong in there for you, I need to understand what it is. I feel like I'm pushing you into something you don't want...is that it?"

Caroline shook her head, feeling emotionally inadequate, not knowing how to articulate what she was feeling.

Kate looked almost frightened, "Caroline, sweetheart please...you're scaring me now...please talk to me."

This seemed to change something in the blonde headmistress, "Sorry darling, I didn't mean to scare you. I just...I...oh god, this is going to sound stupid.."

"If it's what you feel, it's not stupid." Kate tried to reassure her girlfriend, holding her hands and looking seriously at her.

Caroline took a deep breath. "When you...just...in there...agreed that we wanted to make our wills in contemplation of...marriage...it felt..._I_ felt...like it was a technicality...something to be just...got out of the way. It felt...impersonal...like it didn't really matter...and it _does_ matter Kate...it _really_ matters...I wanted it to be special, not just a...tick in a box!" The blonde headmistress had started tentatively but as she started to express her feelings her outpouring gained momentum and she ended in a bit of a gallop, her blue eyes serious and intense as she looked at Kate.

Kate looked horrified, "Oh Caroline! I _never_ meant for you to feel like that! I never...intended it to sound that way...feel that way." She reached up and cupped Caroline's face in her hands, "Darling, of course it's special...and it means..._everything_..." She tailed off, seemingly not knowing how to explain or to put right the hurt she'd caused. She settled for a heartfelt, "I love you Caroline...very much...you know that, don't you?" She leant in and kissed the blonde headmistress; a soft, sweet, tender kiss that she hoped conveyed everything she couldn't in words.

* * *

The next Friday, Caroline didn't get home until after 6:30. She'd had a board of governors meeting and then a follow-up meeting with the chair of the board so she felt quite frazzled. As she got out of the car, she sighed in relief at being home finally and having the weekend to look forward to. It was peaceful as she walked in, she could just hear some music playing quietly somewhere near the back of the house. Kate came to meet her in the hallway, carrying a glass of wine.

"Hi sweetheart, thought this might be a welcome start to your evening." She kissed her sweetly before handing her the glass.

Caroline smiled, a genuine smile of love and gratitude for her girlfriend's gesture, "You and a glass of wine right now sounds like the best kind of evening there is." She paused then asked, "Have I missed Olivia, is she already in bed?"

"Yes, sorry darling, she was really tired. We went into town today and on the way back I took her to the park, where she ran around like a mad thing for almost an hour. She almost fell asleep eating her dinner."

Caroline smiled, "Ah that sounds like fun. You had a good day then?" She put her bags down and asked, "Can you just hold this, I need to take my jacket off and I don't want to spill it?" Kate nodded and took her wine from her while she took her jacket off and draped it carefully over the bottom of the banister rail. She watched as Caroline also untucked her shirt and undid her cuffs, rolling both sleeves up a couple of folds before she took the glass back from Kate.

"Better? Shrugging off the day now?" Kate smiled lovingly at her girlfriend as she prepared herself for relaxing.

"Yep."

"Come on then, the rest of your evening starts this way", said Kate as she led Caroline into the kitchen.

"Does that mean you want me to cook?"

"Nope. Cooking is done." Kate smiled mysteriously.

The table was laid beautifully, with crisp, white linen and as Kate led Caroline to her chair, she found a single red rose laid across her place setting. There were candles lit around the room and the whole atmosphere was sophisticated, calm and very romantic.

Caroline was visibly moved, "Oh Kate, this is...beautiful! I had no idea...you've gone to so much trouble...what's the occasion, darling?"

Kate smiled almost shyly, "Does there have to be an occasion for me to treat my girlfriend properly?" She held the chair out for Caroline to sit down.

"Kate, you _always_ treat me properly!"

"Ok then, does there have to be an occasion for me to make an extra effort and be romantic?"

Caroline smiled, the love apparent in her eyes, "No, there doesn't...but it is very much appreciated. Thank you."

Kate lifted Caroline's hand to her mouth and kissed it, "You're very welcome."

The meal was fabulous. Kate had clearly gone to a lot of trouble and the three courses, although not overly rich or complicated, were incredibly tasty and presented beautifully and Caroline felt very spoiled as Kate was attentive to her every need throughout.

They had finished eating and were sitting, talking quietly when Kate got up and changed the music, skipping to a different track on the playlist. The strains of Roberta Flack singing, 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" filtered softly into the room as Kate opened the door to the conservatory then turned to Caroline asking, "Do you want to dance?"

The dark woman held out her hand to Caroline as she asked and the moment's memory wasn't lost on the blonde headmistress as she took Kate's hand and rose to her feet. Kate led her to the conservatory. The lights of the candles from the dining room still twinkled softly in the background as Kate placed Caroline's hands on her waist and looked into her eyes as they gently started to move to the music. "Caroline, I love you." Caroline went to answer her but Kate put her index and middle fingers gently over her mouth telling her, "Ssshhh...I haven't finished."

Caroline kissed the fingers on her lips but stayed quiet. Kate smiled as she removed her hand and took an audible breath as she looked into Caroline's eyes, "I've loved you for a long time now. I can't remember a time when my feelings for you haven't...knocked me off kilter to some extent. When I came back...at Celia and Alan's wedding...I told you that it felt like I had no choice...like it was inevitable...and that's true. My feelings for you have never lessened, they've only ever got deeper, fuller, richer. You...and Olivia...and all of us being here as a family...has made my life complete." She paused and swallowed before saying quietly but clearly, "Caroline...will you marry me?"

Caroline's eyes filled with tears at Kate's declaration and question. She took Kate's face gently in her hands as she said gently, "Yes. Of course I will." She claimed the younger woman's lips in a tender kiss; soft lips melting together in a connection filled with love and desire.

The kiss would probably have lasted for longer but Kate suddenly broke away, saying, "Oh god, I forgot! Hold on..." She ran back into the dining room and went rifling through a drawer, returning with a small box, which she held out to Caroline apologetically. "Sorry, I've buggered this up a bit...I should've given you this at the same time...I've not done this before...I'm clearly not very good at it." She calmed herself, then presented the box to her girlfriend, saying again, "Caroline, sweetheart, will you marry me...please?"

Caroline gaped at her girlfriend, "Oh Kate! You've even...you've bought me a ring!"

Kate smiled, feeling a bit calmer, "Yes...and you _can_ look at it. You might not like it...I think it's the right size though...I kind of...checked."

She opened the box for Caroline to see and the blonde woman gasped, "Oh! Kate it's beautiful...just beautiful." Kate took the ring from its box and slipped it onto Caroline's finger. Caroline looked into Kate's eyes and said, "I love you so much sweetheart. I feel like this...it...was meant to be...you and me...I've never felt surer of anyone or anything before. You're perfect." She paused as she seemed to be about to kiss the younger woman and looked unsure for a moment before she said, "I need to buy you a ring though...is that ok...I want you to have a ring too?"

Kate smiled, "If you insist."

"Oh I definitely do!" Caroline smiled as she leaned in for a kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you so much for all your kind comments about this fic. I'm still enjoying the challenge of responding to some of the quotes from the show. This one especially has given me a certain amount of...enjoyment. :-)

* * *

**_"I just...don't think I can do this any more."_** [S1, Ep1 - Caroline to Kate]

It was a bright, summer's day and Kate sat on a bench in the park smiling broadly as she watched Caroline playing with Olivia. The little girl laughed delightedly as she played with her 'mama' rolling down the grassy slope and Kate heard her demanding, "'gain mama, 'gain!"

Kate walked over to where her partner and daughter were and stood over them, looking down at Caroline lying on the grass with their daughter kneeling next to her. The blonde woman smiled at Olivia and said, "Olivia, darling, I just don't think I can do this any more."

Olivia looked at her quizzically, "Why?" (One of her newest favourite words.)

Caroline looked up at her daughter's eager little face and said defeatedly, "Because mama is unfit, getting old and absolutely kna...", she changed the word she was going to use quickly, "...tired, darling."

Olivia looked down at her seriously and said, "You not tired mama."

There was a stunned silence and then both Caroline and Kate burst out laughing. Caroline grabbed Olivia and tickled her as they rolled around the grass together.

Five minutes later when Caroline was being pelted with cut grass by both Olivia and Kate as she tried to get back to her feet, a shadow fell across her and a voice said cautiously, "Caroline?"

Caroline squinted into the sun, "Beverley?"

"Yes. I thought it looked like you...but I couldn't be sure." Beverley looked at her normally immaculate, professional boss as she lay on the ground covered in cut grass. "You do look like you're having fun though." She smiled.

"Hi Beverley", Kate smiled at the headmistress' normally unflappable PA. "We promise we'll return Dr Elliot pretty much unharmed on Monday."

"You see what I have to put up with at the weekend, Beverley", Caroline smiled.

"Well it's nice to see you're getting some down time, Caroline. See you on Monday. Bye Kate, bye Olivia."

Caroline looked up at her girlfriend and grinned, "Well, there goes my...office cred."

* * *

Later, driving back home, after Olivia had fallen asleep in her car seat almost as soon as the car had started moving, Kate started giggling. "You not tired."

She looked over at Caroline who was driving and trying to keep a straight face, who said, "Out of the mouths of babes..." She grimaced, "_Your_ daughter is a cheeky little minx."

Kate laughed, "_Our_ daughter gets it from you."

"Yeah well...next time _you_ get to roll down the slope with her."

Kate leaned over and picked a bit of dry grass out of Caroline's hair. "I love you", she said quietly.

Caroline smiled without taking her eyes off the road, "I love you too. I should tell you though...you're going to need to be gentle with me later...I think I've bruised my hip rolling down that bloody slope."

Kate squeezed Caroline's thigh gently, "I promise I will be as gentle as you need me to be."

* * *

Later that evening after they'd eaten, Kate had cleared up and Caroline had bathed and put Olivia to bed, the blonde headmistress was watching TV when Kate came in, leaned over the sofa and turned it off using the remote control. "Hey, I was watching that!"

Kate smiled, "I've run you a bath. For your bruised hip and any other slope rolling injuries you may have picked up." She held her hand out and Caroline smiled as she took it and stood up.

They walked upstairs together and Kate led her girlfriend to their en suite bathroom where a hot, fragrant bath had been prepared. Kate gently and carefully undressed Caroline and held her hand as she got into the bath. The blonde woman sighed as she settled herself in the hot water, "Ah, that's lovely." Kate smiled at her. "There's only one thing that'd make this better..." Kate looked at her girlfriend questioningly and Caroline asked huskily, "Join me?"

"This was supposed to be for you."

"And how will it _not_ be for me if you're in here too?"

"Well..." Kate smiled cheekily, "...I suppose I could put my own needs aside...if it'd help you." She started to undress and Caroline watched her every move with undisguised interest...

Settled in between Caroline's legs in the bath, Kate allowed herself to be pulled back against her girlfriend's chest. Caroline wrapped her arms around the younger woman and placed a kiss on the nape of her neck. Kate shivered and Caroline laughed quietly.

Kate said, "What?"

"I love that when I kiss your neck you shiver. I remember when you first did it, I was...blown away that someone could have such a...visceral reaction to something I'd done."

"Well, it feels...wonderful. Every time. In fact your lips on any part of my skin is...always very acceptable."

"_Acceptable_?"

Kate smirked, "You're so easy."

"Well...yes but that's something separate...and peculiar to you."

"_Peculiar_?"

"Yep. Two can play at using inappropriate words, Ms McKenzie."

Kate smiled but, unable to turn around without almost standing up to sit back down again, she contented herself with moving her hand back to settle in between Caroline's thighs.

Caroline attempted a token protest, "I thought you were supposed to be ensuring my bruised hip felt better?"

Kate smirked, "Trust me, either everything will feel better or you just won't care about your bruised hip any more. Either way, this..._treatment_...will work."

Ten minutes later both Kate and Caroline were having second thoughts about their current situation. Caroline spoke first, sounding more than a little frustrated, "Kate...this isn't...working...I can't...do this...here. We need to take this to the bedroom...now."

Kate stood up, "Yes, you're right." She got out of the bath and then held her hand out to Caroline who also got up and climbed out.

* * *

As Kate stopped shuddering some hours later, she happened to notice that the bedside clock said 11:03pm and it registered with her in some far recess of her brain that this meant they'd not looked at changing their energy tariff as they'd been intending to that evening and neither had they researched buying a wardrobe for Olivia's room. If prompted however, she couldn't have said, at that point, she was in any way concerned that those normal, domestic things hadn't happened. She smiled down at her girlfriend whose head was now resting on Kate's stomach and said, "Even with a bruised hip, you are a goddess."

Caroline smiled, a slow, sexy smile, "I'm not sure that's entirely accurate, sweetheart but thank you for saying it."

"It may be a tiny bit subjective but I stand by my assessment", Kate insisted. Caroline trailed her lips along Kate's midriff and flexed her fingers. Kate twitched in response. "I take it back...you're a witch." Caroline raised one eyebrow and Kate explained, "You have me bewitched and totally at your mercy it would seem. However...", she continued, "I think my old body is finally giving out on me...I don't think I can...do this any more. Your...ministrations...have left me a shadow of my former self. I don't think I have anything left."

Caroline flexed her fingers again and smiled at Kate's reaction, "Your body is telling me something different darling. I think you have...something left to give."

"I fear I may disappoint you", Kate said regretfully.

"You never could", Caroline said firmly, "...but let me try, ok?"

Kate smiled down at the blonde woman, "So I'm a scientific experiment am I?

Caroline tried to look appalled at Kate's suggestion, "I would never be so impersonal...but let's just say I have an enquiring mind...and you intrigue me." She moved her hand gently and watched as her girlfriend's hips moved accordingly...

When Kate next glanced at the clock it was 11:47. She lay snuggled and sated in Caroline's arms with her head on the blonde woman's shoulder. She felt the quiet rumble of Caroline's voice as her breath whispered a few stray strands of hair, "So, is there something you want to say to me?"

"Ummm...thank you?"

"Absolutely no thanks required. That wasn't what I was getting at."

Kate paused and then smiled, "Ah...I see. You want me to tell you that you were right!"

"Well, I was, wasn't I?" Kate could hear the smile in Caroline's voice.

She sighed dramatically, "Yes Caroline, you were right." She paused then continued, "But I'd like it noted that I did it for the greater good."

"What 'greater good'?!" Caroline was incredulous.

"Well you forgot all about your bruised hip, didn't you?" Kate raised her head and peered impishly at her girlfriend.

Caroline chuckled, "Touché, Ms McKenzie."


	6. Chapter 6

**_"You're not suggesting...?_**" [S2, Ep3 - Caroline to Kate]

"I don't have to go...not if it's going to be too difficult...with Olivia and Lawrence..and everything", Caroline looked seriously at Kate over her glasses.

"Don't be silly Caroline. It'll be fine. _We'll_ be fine. You need to go." Kate was insistent.

Caroline took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose before running her hands through her hair. "I could do without it...but the board of governors think the investment of sending me on an...", she picked up the prospectus and read the title, "effective budgeting and marketing course for schools, is a worthwhile exercise apparently." She looked at Kate and smiled a little sadly, "Why the hell it has to be Monday to Wednesday in bloody Birmingham, I don't know!"

Kate smiled, "Caroline, you might actually enjoy 'bloody Birmingham' and the course...and the break come to that."

Caroline looked shocked. "I don't need a break! Not from you, Olivia and Lawrence anyway." She paused and looked sadly at her girlfriend before saying quietly, "I'll miss you."

Kate stood up and walked around Caroline's desk so that she was standing next to her. She put her hands either side of the blonde headmistress' face looking at her lovingly then slid her hands into Caroline's hair, feeling the silky strands fall through her fingers as she held her head, then she bent down and kissed her slowly, thoroughly. When she pulled away she said, "We'll miss you too." She smiled, trying to lighten the mood, "Who am I going to warm my feet on?"

Caroline reached out and put her hands on Kate's hips, then pulled her forward, encouraging her into her lap. "Hmmm...there is that. And who will you steal the duvet from?" She lifted her face to the dark woman and Kate obliged with a kiss.

When the kiss ended Kate said, "I do not steal the duvet."

Caroline smirked, "Who is it then that rolls herself in the duvet so that I'm lying there shivering?"

Kate scoffed, "Shivering, hah! You're a heat-seeking missile. I only have to slip out to go to the loo and when I come back you're in the warm place that I've left!"

Caroline protested, "That's only because I miss you when you're not there." She paused, sobering a little, "I'm going to miss you, Kate. How will I sleep without you?"

Kate tightened her arm around her blonde girlfriend's shoulders, linking her hands together loosely, "I'll miss you too sweetheart...but you need to go...I know that and so do you. It'll be fine, it's just three nights."

"It'll be three very long nights." Caroline looked genuinely regretful.

* * *

In the early evening on Sunday Kate drove Caroline to the railway station in Leeds and they walked to the platform together. Caroline held Kate's hand. They stood on the concourse together looking at the departures board.

"Platform 3 sweetheart." Kate squeezed Caroline's hand.

Caroline looked at Kate sadly, "God, this feels like...I'm going away to war or something!" She smiled grimly, "I feel...empty Kate. I hate leaving you."

"I know. I feel the same", she scoffed at herself, "...like a teenager. I think it's because, apart from when I was in hospital having Olivia, we haven't been apart at all...only when you're at school and I'm at home."

"So are you saying...our relationship is...too close?"

"No. I'm saying that's why this is so hard." Kate looked at Caroline seriously. "We need to just accept that we love each other and that we'll only be apart for three nights."

Caroline smiled, "Since when did you become so logical?"

"I'm a languages teacher, my whole life is based on logic."

"I thought language was esoteric and only science was logical", Caroline grinned.

"Oh you did, did you? I guess that's why you run the school and don't do the hard work of teaching."

Caroline laughed and drew Kate to her, "That's probably gross insubordination Ms McKenzie." She kissed her, then switched into efficient mode, "Right, I'm going. I'll call you when I get there. Give Olivia a kiss from me." She held Kate's face, kissed her again, then gently touched her fingertips to the younger woman's lips. "I love you."

"I love you too. Have fun."

Caroline rolled her eyes, "Yeah, how likely is that?" She walked through the platform barrier.

* * *

Caroline duly called Kate at around 8:30 to tell her she'd arrived and that the hotel was 'adequate'. They spoke for about ten minutes but it was a difficult conversation as clearly neither woman wanted to lead the other into territory that was too emotional lest they upset the other one. Caroline said she'd call Kate the following evening and they wished each other goodnight, merely allowing themselves a heartfelt 'I love you' each.

On Monday morning, after a leisurely breakfast in the hotel, Caroline got directions from the receptionist and strolled along to the conference room where the course was being held. She sat in the second row and chatted to a couple of her fellow attendees as they waited for the course leader, a Dr Peter Jackson. In due course a striking brunette walked in and strode gracefully towards the front of the room. Caroline looked up from speaking with the woman next to her, who she now knew to be called Julia and an instant spark of recognition flared in her mind and in her gut. _Deborah_.

The woman walked to the podium, smiled at the small gathering and spoke confidently and clearly, "Good morning everyone. You will probably have noticed that I'm not Dr Peter Jackson. Well, I certainly hope you have anyway." The room duly tittered. "My name is Dr Deborah Osborne and I'm here instead of Peter, who unfortunately has a family emergency so has drafted me in, in his place. I hope you're not too disappointed." She looked around the room confidently at the assembled collective before her gaze settled on Caroline. Her expression was one of undisguised amazement as she said, "Oh my goodness, Caroline!"

Caroline cursed inwardly as she felt herself blush. She tried to sound confident and nonchalant as she replied, "Deborah, hi."

Dr Deborah Osborne smiled, showing her beautiful even teeth and addressed the room, "Sorry everyone, Caroline and I were at university together and it's been an absolute age since we've seen one another." She smiled, regaining her poise, "Of course it was only less than a decade ago really." She took a last glance at the blonde headmistress before dragging her gaze back to the room as a whole, "Right. Let's get started."...

As the room disassembled at lunchtime, Deborah sought Caroline out, touching her elbow gently to get her attention. Caroline turned and found herself looking into familiar light brown eyes. Deborah said, "Wow, Caroline! Who'd've thought you and I would meet up again?! You look...fabulous by the way."

Caroline swallowed, "Yes, who would have thought. You look...great too. How are you?"

The brunette smiled, "I'm...good, thanks. So, you're a head teacher then?"

"Yes, at Sulgrave Heath in Harrogate."

"Good school." Deborah glanced at Caroline's hand, "Is that an engagement ring I see? I heard you were married. Who's the lucky...person?"

Caroline smiled at the thought of her girlfriend, "I was married, yes - to John Elliot, but I am now engaged to Kate. Kate McKenzie - she's a modern languages and music teacher."

"At your school? She must be special to have captured you, Dr Elliot." Deborah was deliberately provocative.

"Yes." Caroline's smile was genuine, "She is..._very_ special."

"Looks like you've...come on a bit since we were together."

Caroline nodded, "Yes, you're right. I was...scared and lacked confidence to be myself then. I owe you an apology."

Deborah smiled, "Apology accepted. Despite the fact you broke my heart, Caroline." She looked at the blonde woman intensely.

Caroline felt a little uncomfortable under the brunette's scrutiny, "I never meant to hurt you, Deb. I'm sorry I did."

Deborah's smile was dazzling, "It's been a long while since anyone called me Deb. And you clearly haven't lost that gentle charisma I saw in you at Oxford...if anything it's developed and become...much more...appealing." She held out her arm, "Can I interest you in lunch?"

Caroline smiled at her, a little unnerved, "Lunch sounds...good." She didn't take the offered arm but fell into step beside the dark haired woman.

Deborah looked down at the blonde headmistress' footwear and then up at her face, "Great shoes!" She winked, "And I hadn't forgotten how fabulous your legs are..."

Caroline blushed, "And it seems your confidence has taken an upturn too"...

* * *

That evening, Caroline phoned Kate as promised after having dinner with four of her fellow course delegates. Kate asked how the course was going and Caroline gave her girlfriend general information about the content and some of the other attendees before volunteering, "You'll never guess who's turned out to be presenting it though?"

"Who?"

"Dr Deborah Osborne."

There was a pause before Kate said, "The Deborah Osborne who was your girlfriend when you were at Oxford?"

"Yep, the very one."

Another pause, then Kate said brightly, "So how is she? Has it been nice to catch up?"

"She's...well...but it's been a bit...weird to be honest."

"Weird...how?"

"Well, it's just...such a long time ago...and it's weird to see her now...now that we're...different people."

"Yes...I suppose it must be." There was a silence and then Kate asked, "Is she...still how you remember though...fundamentally?"

"I don't know Kate...it was all a bit of a blur really...at Oxford. It's been so long in my memory...that I don't know how it was any more."

"So what is she like now?"

Caroline paused, thinking of Deborah standing at the podium earlier that day, "She's...quite ...charismatic I suppose."

"Then she's probably in the right job", Kate tried to sound breezy, then she changed her tone, becoming softer, quieter, "I miss you Caroline."

"I miss you too, darling. This bed is very empty...without you."

"Yes. Our bed is suddenly very big too. And I miss the smell of your skin."

Caroline groaned softly, "Me too. And the feel of you wrapped around me...under me. You make me...want you so much."

Kate gasped quietly, "God. Caroline...you...I..." She swallowed audibly, "I may have a solution for you...for now."

Caroline's throat constricted, "You're...not suggesting...?"

"I might be, yes."

Kate's suggestive tone made the breath hitch in Caroline's throat and she chuckled huskily, "You are...perfectly...sexily...wonderful."

* * *

The next day, Deborah invited herself to lunch with the delegates and, be it by luck or design, she turned out to be sitting next to Caroline. For the majority of the lunch nobody would've thought Caroline and Deborah had any more history than any of the others around the table as the conversation flowed equally between them all. However near the end of their hour's break, Deborah turned to Caroline and quietly said, "It's your last night tonight...before we both go back home. Would you come out for dinner with me...I'd like to spend some time with you...catch up properly?"

Caroline turned to look properly at Deborah. Her expression was open, friendly and hopeful and Caroline was swayed, "I'd like that."

Deborah smiled showing her beautiful, white, even teeth, "Great."

They met in the hotel lobby at seven as arranged. Caroline asked, "So, where are we going?"

Deborah smiled, "It's a surprise...but it's not too far. Can you walk in those beautiful shoes for a maximum of...ten minutes?"

"Of course!" Caroline was indignant.

Deborah laughed, "Ah yes, I remember you don't like to be told you can't do something, do you?" She winked, "Come on then, Caroline Dawson...let's go and find dinner."

The dark haired woman was right, it took them just eight minutes to walk to the restaurant in a building called The Cube. The restaurant turned out to be Marco Pierre White's on the top floor, from which there was a fabulous view across the city.

Deborah looked at the blonde woman questioningly, "Do you approve?"

"How could I not? This is great, Deborah."

Deborah smiled, "Good. Our table isn't booked until eight but they have a champagne bar, so I thought we could...avail ourselves until then."

Caroline raised an eyebrow, "You've come on a bit from a half of snakebite!"

The champagne cocktails were great and the meal that followed was delicious. Caroline was having fun in Deborah's company and despite having some minor misgivings beforehand, she found that she was enjoying herself reminiscing and the pleasant surroundings didn't hurt either.

They strolled back to the hotel together. Caroline was feeling pleasantly mellow. Deborah asked her if she wanted to get a nightcap in the bar but she declined politely, knowing that she'd had enough alcohol and needed to get to bed. Caroline headed toward the lift and Deborah followed, saying she may as well go to bed too in that case.

The lift stopped at the sixth floor and both women got out. Caroline turned to the right, saying, "Well, my room's this way, so..."

Deborah reached out and grabbed the blonde woman's wrist gently, "I could...always join you?"

Caroline looked at Deborah's hand around her wrist in horror, "What are you...Jesus Christ Deb..._this_ is not happening!" She pulled her arm away.

Deborah looked a little shamefaced but brazened it out, "For goodness sake Caroline! There's no need to act like a frightened virgin! I was merely suggesting a...continuation to our...reminiscing to finish the evening. I don't remember you being this reticent 27 years ago!"

Caroline looked at the brunette appalled, "Deborah, 27 years ago I wasn't in a relationship...to all intents and purposes, married!"

"I'm not asking you to leave her Caroline. I just thought it'd be nice to have some...fun to finish the evening."

Caroline looked at Deborah witheringly, "I don't remember you being this...unprincipled. It seems not all change has been for the good." She turned away, "Goodnight Deborah."

* * *

Caroline got back to her hotel room and sat down heavily on the bed feeling angry, let down and annoyed. She looked at the clock, considering whether at 10:47 it was too late to phone Kate and decided it might be ok.

She got her phone out of her bag and dialled. Kate answered sounding sleepy, "Caroline, hi sweetheart. You ok?"

Caroline smiled feeling the tension drain out of her, "Kate. Did I wake you darling?"

"Ummm I think you may have but it's ok...it's nice to hear your voice."

"I was missing you...needed to hear your voice...entirely selfish I'm afraid. Sorry."

"Has something happened? How'd your evening go? Was dinner nice?"

Caroline sighed, "Dinner was...ok."

"Did something happen?"

"Yes. Deborah just...made a bit of a pass...at me."

"She what?!" Kate went from sleepy to incensed with little in between, then tried to calm down, "Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine, Kate. I just...wanted you to know...and it's thrown me a bit. I didn't see it coming and I didn't think she'd do that. She didn't used to be so...dismissive and selfish...maybe I did something to make her think..."

"Caroline, darling...you feel let down...I can understand that...but there's no need for you to feel guilty I'm sure. Do you think you did anything to lead her on?"

"No!" Caroline was quick to react and adamant, keen to make Kate understand she had nothing to fear.

"I never thought you had darling. I was asking the question so you could rule it out for yourself."

"I don't feel guilty." Caroline stopped as she thought about what Kate had said, "Actually, maybe I do feel guilty." She tailed off sounding confused.

Hearing her girlfriend's confusion and discomfort, Kate wanted to be able to draw her into a hug and soothe her. "Caroline, sweetheart, I think you're feeling guilty because of what happened all those years ago. Not now. You have nothing to feel guilty for now."

There was a silence and then Caroline said, "Thank you." Then, more playfully, "When did you get your psychology qualification?"

Kate laughed, "No need to thank me...I'm just an enthusiastic amateur who wants her girlfriend to feel better."

"I love you", Caroline's declaration was softly spoken but heartfelt.

"I love you too. Now you should probably get some sleep. I have plans for you tomorrow night."

* * *

The next day, Deborah and Caroline had no opportunity to speak to each other privately until lunchtime. Actually, Caroline had no real need to speak to the dark haired course leader and if it had been left up to her she wouldn't have, but Deborah approached her as she was walking to the hotel's restaurant.

"Caroline, could I have a quick word?"

Caroline turned to face her, "Deborah", she said coldly.

"I'm sorry...if I upset you last night...if I crossed a line."

"Yes you did", Caroline's gaze was icy.

"Look Caroline, the worst I'm guilty of here is that I still find you attractive and I chanced my arm."

"No Deborah, it has nothing to do with a harmless attraction. You disrespected my relationship and my feelings to make a point, so I suggest in future you get your kicks elsewhere." Caroline turned on her heel and walked into the restaurant.

* * *

Later that day Kate waited with Olivia at the railway station in Leeds. "Where mama?" Olivia asked Kate the same question for about the tenth time.

"Mama will be here on the train in a minute Olivia." As she said that, the train appeared and started to pull into the platform. "Look darling, it's mama's train now."

"Mama coming home", said Olivia, looking at Kate intently.

"Yes darling, mama's coming home." Kate smiled at her daughter.

Within a minute of the train stopping, Caroline was walking down the platform towards them. Kate waited until she was within a few metres then she put Olivia down saying, "Olivia, why don't you run to meet mama."

The little girl ran excitedly towards her mama as soon as her little feet hit the ground, "Mama! Mama!"

Caroline's face lit up when she saw Olivia and she dropped her bag, crouched down and held her arms out to the little girl. Olivia ran straight into them, whereupon Caroline lifted her up and swung her around, kissing her cheek.

Kate walked towards Caroline and Olivia smiling broadly, "Hi sweetheart." She leaned in and kissed her girlfriend tenderly. "How about coming home with us, gorgeous?"

Caroline smiled, "You're not suggesting...?"

Kate grinned wickedly as she took Caroline's hand, "Nope, I'm not suggesting, I'm insisting!"


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the delay in updating. My attention has been slightly diverted with the experiment of my 'M' rated fic...but I think I've got that out of my system now. :-). Thanks for all your feedback so far, it's much appreciated.

* * *

_**"What?"**_ [S1, Ep5 & S2, Ep6 - Kate to Caroline]

Kate awoke to the sound of not too subtle whispers coming from outside the bedroom door. "Olivia darling, keep that upright."

"Mummy flower."

"Yes darling, mummy's flower...keep it up straight. Yes, that's right, pointing upwards."

"Mummy 'prise."

"Yes sweetheart, it's a surprise for mummy. Come on then, let's go and give mummy her surprise."

Kate smiled and lifted her head from the pillow as Caroline and Olivia crept into the bedroom. "What's going on?"

"It's a...", Caroline looked at Olivia, "...sur...", she prompted the little girl.

"Prise", said Olivia triumphantly. "It a 'prise mummy!" She handed Kate the deep, pink rose in a single stem vase she'd been carrying so carefully.

"Oh darling that's beautiful, thank you!" Kate took the vase from Olivia and put it on the bedside table before lifting the little girl onto the bed.

"Olivia, what else did we have to say to mummy?" Caroline reminded the toddler of their conversation on the way upstairs. Olivia looked at her quizzically, her expression reminding Caroline of Kate. "Happy.."

"Happy burfday mummy!" Olivia was clearly pleased with herself for remembering.

Kate hugged her daughter, "Thank you sweetheart."

Caroline smiled and handed Olivia a card, "Do you want to give mummy the card you made for her?"

Olivia took the card smiling broadly, "Made you a card mummy!" She handed it to Kate proudly.

Kate looked at the large piece of card with Olivia's multi coloured handprints on the front that Caroline had made into flowers by artfully adding some stems and leaves underneath them. Tears came to Kate's eyes and she hugged Olivia just that little bit tighter, "Thank you darling, that is beautiful! You are such a clever girl!" She looked up at Caroline, "And so is your mama."

Caroline put two cups of tea down next to the rose, "I couldn't carry breakfast as well I'm afraid...not and keep an eye on Picasso here." She leaned down and kissed Kate tenderly, "Happy birthday sweetheart."

"Thank you. This is wonderful." Kate reached out and stroked Caroline's arm.

Caroline smiled, "Is there room in there for me?"

Kate looked at their daughter, "What do you think Olivia, shall we let mama get in bed with us?"

Olivia giggled, "Yes. Mama get in", she patted the bed.

"Well thank you Olivia", Caroline grinned at the cute little girl and then walked around the bed before getting in.

Caroline reached into the drawer in her bedside table and drew out a card and two packages. Kate watched her with interest, "Ooooo if I'd've known that was there...", she said mischievously.

Caroline tried to look stern, "Then it's just as well you didn't, isn't it."

Kate smirked, "You've always got something..._interesting_ in your drawers Caroline."

Caroline flushed a little as she smiled, handing Kate the card, "Cheeky", then she leaned over and kissed her again.

Kate opened the card and read it, "Ah thank you sweetheart, that's beautiful." She leaned in and kissed Caroline once more before saying, "I love you too."

Caroline handed one of the packages to Olivia, "Olivia, do you want to give mummy her birthday present?"

Olivia took it and turned to Kate looking very pleased with herself, "Burfday pwesent mummy!"

Kate took it from her, "Thank you darling!" She kissed the little girl's cheek then unwrapped the present to find a very expensive bottle of perfume that she remembered trying and commenting on in passing when she and Caroline had been out shopping about a month ago. "Olivia, you have exquisite taste! And a lot of pocket money it seems", she looked at Caroline, pseudo-disapprovingly.

"What? It's from Olivia! I may just have helped her purchase it, that's all."

Kate smiled, taking the perfume out of its box to spray a little on her wrists and throat. She offered her wrist to Olivia to smell, "Does mummy smell nice?"

Olivia sniffed Kate's wrist, "Mummy smell."

Kate and Caroline laughed, "You're going to have to work on your compliments Olivia", Kate said as she bent down to kiss the little girl's cheek again.

Caroline leaned over, burying her face in Kate's neck, "Mmmmm, you smell, fabulous." She kissed the younger woman's neck, trailing her lips up to her ear before nibbling her lobe.

Kate shivered, "Caroline...this needs to wait...until later."

Caroline reluctantly pulled herself away, "Yes, I suppose it does." She traced the outline of Kate's lips with her fingertips.

"Why you kissing mummy?" Olivia looked questioningly at Caroline.

Caroline smiled at the little girl and stroked her hair, "Because I love her."

Olivia nodded solemnly, "I love mummy."

There were tears in Kate's eyes as she stroked Olivia's cheek, "Mummy loves you too." She stroked Caroline's face as well, "And she loves you."

Olivia put her little arms around Caroline's waist and snuggled into her, "I love mama."

Caroline put one arm around Olivia and the other around Kate, hugging them both, "My beautiful girls." They stayed that way for a while until Olivia wriggled away.

Kate kissed Caroline's mouth sweetly then said cheekily, "So...is that other present for me too?"

Caroline smiled, "Hand me my tea and I'll consider it." Kate did as she was asked and Caroline took a mouthful of tea looking at Kate's soft brown eyes studying her. She swallowed the liquid then said, "Oh go on then, you're too beautiful to say no to." She handed her the gift wrapped package.

Kate grinned, "Thank you." She unwrapped the present and then undid the box inside to find a beautiful diamond pendant on a fine, white gold chain. "Oh Caroline! This is so...beautiful!"

Caroline was watching her intently, "Do you like it?"

"Are you kidding? It's absolutely gorgeous!" She sobered a little, "But you've spent far too much."

"I could never spend too much on you." Caroline's voice was low.

"Me see mummy", Olivia interrupted, having been distracted from playing with the discarded envelope.

Kate showed her, "Look at mummy's pretty necklace."

"Pretty!" Olivia was clearly taken with the way it sparkled.

Kate leaned over Olivia to cup Caroline's face gently, "Thank you Caroline, I love my presents...and I love you." She kissed the blonde woman gently, then when she drew back she said, "Will you fasten it for me, I want to try it on?" Caroline took it from her and fastened it around her neck.

Kate looked down at the diamond nestled on her chest, glinting against the honeyed tone of her skin, "Oh Caroline, it looks beautiful!"

Caroline smiled, looking more at Kate's skin and the hint of her breasts just below, "Mmmhmmm, beautiful."

Kate realised where Caroline's mind had gone but she just smiled indulgently at her lover. Her gaze dropped to Olivia and she noticed that the little girl was lying down, snuggled up against Caroline's hip, thumb in mouth, fast asleep. "Do you think we bore her?" Kate spoke quietly.

"It could just be that she's had me up since a quarter to six", Caroline said wryly. She gently stroked the little girl's back lovingly.

"Really? I didn't hear her!" Kate was astounded.

"You were sound asleep darling", said Caroline, "...and anyway, it's your birthday, you deserved a lie in."

"You're very good to me", Kate said.

"No more than you are to me."

Kate looked intently at her girlfriend, "I know what you're doing." Caroline raised her eyebrows quizzically so Kate continued, "You don't need to Caroline...but you're still trying to make up for my birthday two years ago."

Caroline looked astounded and was quick to respond, "I'm not!" Kate just looked at her disbelievingly until Caroline asked tentatively, "Am I?"

"Maybe." Kate was quietly circumspect, not wanting to upset Caroline.

Caroline was quiet for a moment, just stroking Olivia's back gently, feeling the rise and fall of her breathing. Eventually she said, "I _do_ still feel bad about that weekend. I fu...totally screwed it up...and apart from anything else it was your birthday. I hated myself for that."

"Caroline, you need to move on from that. It happened and neither of us behaved very well...but it's over."

Caroline looked up, engaging with Kate's eyes for the first time since talking about 'that weekend', "Ok." She paused then continued, "It _is_ still your birthday though. And I want to spoil you. We can't go out tonight, but I'm going to cook you a nice dinner at least."

Kate smirked, "Fair enough. I'll accept that. Right, how about we sneak downstairs and get some breakfast. I'm starving!"

* * *

The day went well. Kate and Caroline went out for lunch in a nice little country pub, that handily had a little playground outside, so Olivia benefitted as well. Even Lawrence came with them, which pleased them all, especially Olivia. They walked there and back, taking it in turns to push Olivia in her buggy. On the way there Olivia was wide awake and very interactive but on the way back, tired out from running around, she slept.

That evening, as promised Caroline cooked for Kate. She made sure she used all her favourite foods and flavours and Kate declared it a triumph and a 'veritable feast'.

Caroline had bought a couple of bottles of pink champagne with which to toast Kate's birthday and it wasn't until they'd finished the first bottle and Kate was demanding more that she realised the birthday girl had become rather inebriated.

"Kate, darling, I think I may have fed you a little too much alcohol. After all it's been a while since you've had more than just one glass of wine."

Kate looked shocked, "Caroline! Do you think I'm drunk?"

Caroline stifled a grin, "No Kate. But...I think you maybe shouldn't overdo it."

"Ah!" Kate smiled conspiratorially, "You want to make sure the evening _ends well_!" All that was missing from Kate's statement was the salacious wink.

Caroline smiled, "Of course."

"Gotcha", said Kate, grinning. "Don't worry Caroline, I won't let the side down."

"You never do sweetheart", Caroline responded.

Kate insisted on helping Caroline load the dishwasher, even though she spent more time touching Caroline than she did handing her the dirty dishes.

When they got upstairs Kate decided she wanted to undress Caroline. She was hampered in this by a little lack of coordination but when Caroline suggested she could do it herself, Kate pouted and said, "But it's my _birthday_!" Caroline didn't have the heart to insist after that so she just did as much as she could to help the younger woman's efforts.

When it came to Caroline divesting the birthday girl of her clothes, this was fairly easy apart from the fact that Kate had lost her sense of balance. As Caroline tried to get her out of her trousers, Kate wobbled and she would have fallen but for the fact that Caroline grabbed her hips. Kate then burst into uncontrollable giggles, which were so infectious that Caroline couldn't help but join in.

They finally got naked and Caroline steered them toward the bed where they collapsed ungracefully. The two women kissed passionately and Caroline rolled on top of Kate. Kate pulled away from the kiss to look at Caroline partly in astonishment and partly in admiration and lust. She initiated another kiss, bending her leg up underneath Caroline to ensure she made contact where it would have most impact. Caroline groaned and Kate used the older woman's distraction to roll her over, reversing their positions.

Caroline looked up at her, "That was...sneaky."

Kate smiled triumphantly, "No, just...tactically inspired. And besides...it _is_ my birthday."

She braced her arms either side of Caroline on the bed and bent her head to the blonde woman's breast.

Caroline gasped and said, "Oh well, if you insist."

"Oh I do!"

Over the next fifteen minutes or so Kate kissed, licked and nibbled her way down Caroline's body. She seemed to be getting slower but Caroline just thought she was taking her time and she was certainly enjoying it.

Kate started to kiss Caroline's inner thighs, resting her head on one to lick and nibble the sensitive skin of the other.

Caroline groaned and then seconds later realised that the sensation had stopped. She propped herself on her forearms, looking down at Kate. The dark woman's head was still resting on her thigh but if Caroline wasn't very much mistaken, she'd fallen asleep!

She looked at Kate astounded and then started to laugh, realising the absurdity of the situation. Caroline's amusement grew and her hysterics had her shaking as she lay back on the bed helpless with laughter.

Kate drowsily raised her head, looking at Caroline in a slightly unfocused way. "What?"

In between gasps of laughter Caroline said, "Happy birthday darling."


	8. Chapter 8

**_"There's just one other thing...to say_**" [S2, Ep2 - Kate to Caroline]

"John, maybe if you spoke to Lawrence you'd know that he actually has a rugby match today. He's not avoiding you." Caroline took a deep breath and intentionally softened her tone. "You could still get there for the second half if you left now."

There was a pause as Caroline listened to her ex-husband on the other end of the phone, then she said sharply, "How the _hell_ do you figure that?" The blonde headmistress started to pace up and down the kitchen. "What has William got to do with this?" She paused again but didn't stop pacing. "Oh for f...goodness sake John! That is bloody ridiculous! How?! _How_ am I indoctrinating our children?"

Caroline stopped walking and she gripped the kitchen work top as she gasped quietly, "John, you've obviously been drinking but there is no excuse for..._John_! I will _not_ discuss that...and neither Kate nor Olivia are any of your business!" She disconnected the call but continued to stare at the phone malevolently for a few seconds before throwing it on the counter.

Caroline stalked away towards the conservatory but then changed her mind, turned around and picked up the phone again. She scrolled through her address book, selected a number and dialled.

"Hi William." Her face softened along with her voice, "How's things? Mmmhmmm. Have you...have you spoken to...your dad recently?" There was a pause while she listened to William's reply. "William, your relationship with your dad is nothing to do with me. No..our relationship shouldn't affect yours." Another pause. "Well, maybe you should try again. He loves you, you know."

* * *

Ten minutes later Caroline was in the garden pruning and weeding furiously. Tears pricked angrily at her eyes as, with gloved hands, she pulled viciously at a stray bramble that had crept over the wall from their neighbours' garden.

It came away from its tenuous hold on the rest of the plant, whipping its now untethered end against Caroline's bare arm where the prickles slashed her skin in revenge. Little drops of blood appeared down the length of the ragged scratches: ruby beads balancing impudently on pale skin.

The tears came, almost in sympathy it seemed, savagely released from their prison by the bramble ripping her skin. Caroline sat heavily on the garden bench, hot tears slavering down cold cheeks.

Having held it in for so long, once she started, the tears threatened to overwhelm in seconds. Her breath came in gasps and she started to sob, blue eyes liquid with tears as she stared sightlessly across the garden.

Caroline didn't know how long she sat there sobbing. She remembered the neighbours' cat stalking across the lawn, looking at her suspiciously and she also recognised that the sun had come out because the cat lay down on the lawn in a patch of sunshine and stretched languidly, still looking at her.

It felt like the sobs were never going to stop. Caroline had taken her gardening gloves off to scrub at the tears on her cheeks but her chest continued to heave as she sobbed. The cat decided to leave, getting to its feet and lithely jumping up the wall.

"Caroline?! Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Without knowing where she'd come from, Kate was suddenly at her side. She sat on the bench next to her, drawing her into a hug, her expression full of love and concern.

Caroline continued to shudder with sobs as the younger woman held her, stroking her back and murmuring reassurances. Eventually Kate drew back a little and peered at Caroline's face before noticing her arm, "Oh Caroline! Your poor arm! Let me look." She took her arm gently, "Bloody hell, you still have thorns in it! Come on, let's go in and I can clean this up."

She coaxed the older woman to her feet then led her back inside, her arm around her waist. Once inside, Kate got Caroline to sit in the conservatory while she went to get what she needed. She returned in a few minutes with some cotton wool, a bowl of warm water, some antiseptic cream, a towel and some tweezers. "It's just as well my boss sent me on a first aid course." Kate tried to lighten the atmosphere a bit, still worried about Caroline's mood.

Caroline looked up at her, feeling a bit embarrassed, "I'm ok." Kate just looked at her kindly but sternly as if she was maybe an unruly student. "Where's Olivia?"

"She's in the living room, with Lawrence...I gave him a lift back from town." Kate took Caroline's hand so she could look at her arm. "Were you fighting with these brambles...cos they seem to have won?"

The dark woman picked the thorns out of Caroline's arm with the tweezers. "Ok, I think I've got them all." She took some cotton wool and dipped it in the warm water, "I've put antiseptic in this, so it might sting a bit." She tenderly wiped the scratches, "This one's quite deep Caroline." She looked up at Caroline who was just watching her thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"Just...this...everything."

Kate studied her thoughtfully for a moment, then she said, "What were you so upset about?"

"I was just thinking."

"About?" There was a long pause. Kate returned to bathing Caroline's arm, thinking she'd try again in a minute. Caroline suddenly said in a quiet voice, "Am I controlling?" Kate looked at her, startled by the question and Caroline said, "I'm worried you see...that I might be a bad influence on Olivia. Kate, what if I screw her up?"

Kate put down the piece of cotton wool she was holding and reached up to cup Caroline's face, "Caroline, where has this come from?"

"I spoke to William."

"Right. What did he say?"

"He's still having pretty much nothing to do with John."

"Ok...does he want that to change?"

"I don't think so, no. But that's the point Kate, I think that's because of _me_!"

"How is that because of you?"

"Because William took my side when John and I...when our marriage broke down."

"When John went off with Judith", Kate observed dryly. Caroline nodded. Kate took the towel and patted Caroline's arm dry. "I'm going to put some of this on the scratches", she picked up the tube of antiseptic cream, "I don't think you'll need to cover them but you'll need to be careful to keep them clean." She carefully applied the cream.

Caroline gazed at Kate lovingly, "Thank you darling."

"Caroline, I'm not sure you can blame yourself for William not wanting much to do with John. He saw his dad hurt you by going off with another woman...and it's not like John behaved very well generally is it?"

"No...not really." Caroline's admission was quiet.

"It's not like William's a child Caroline...he's bound to make up his own mind. His dad let him down too."

"I should have done more though...to ensure it didn't affect the boys. They've suffered more than they should've."

Kate looked at Caroline intently, her soft, brown eyes missing nothing, "Have you...spoken to John as well?"

Caroline smiled almost imperceptibly at her girlfriend's insightfulness, "Yes. He phoned...before I spoke to William."

"Right. That makes sense."

"Does it?" The blonde headmistress seemed strangely perplexed.

"Yes. Caroline he's...he's pushing your buttons. He knows that to get to you he needs to use the boys...so that's what he does."

"But he may have a point. As much as he's a...jerk."

"Right. What point does he have then?" Kate's tone was clipped.

"Maybe I should've done more to encourage the boys that their father wasn't the bad guy."

"Could he not have done that for himself, Caroline?"

Caroline looked at Kate, her surprise evident, "Yes...but...so could I...I suppose."

"Why should it be up to you to provide good PR for John to your children?" Kate's words were direct.

Caroline looked Kate directly in the eye for quite some time before replying quietly, "I don't know."

Kate stroked Caroline's face then ran her fingers through her hair before leaning in to kiss her girlfriend sweetly, tenderly. When the kiss finished she said, "Was he really nasty?"

Caroline grimaced, "He'd been drinking so he wasn't...nice." She smiled wryly, "I'm not sure why I let him get to me...but I did end up hanging up on him."

"Did he say something about you screwing up Olivia too?" Kate's voice was quiet and she took Caroline's hand, stroking it softly.

"How do you know that?" Caroline was astounded.

Kate smiled gently, "Because you said you were worried you might screw her up, remember?"

"Oh yes." Caroline looked a little sheepish.

"So, did he?"

"Yes. Just before I hung up on him. He said that I'd probably screw her up in the same way I have with the boys and that you should be warned what an...insidious controlling bitch I am." She dropped her head, looking down at the floor.

"He said _that_?" Kate's voice was low but cold. She stroked Caroline's arm. "Caroline, you know that's not true, don't you? And that I don't believe it." She tipped Caroline's chin up so she could look in her eyes. "Don't you?"

Caroline looked at Kate, a world of emotion in her blue eyes. "I'm not perfect Kate. And over the years...there have been times when I've...taken control...and been controlling."

Kate smiled, "Caroline, I know that. I think with John as your husband you probably had to...you were pretty much the only adult in the relationship after all." She paused and placed a small kiss on the blonde woman's lips before continuing, "We've already been through quite a lot together, you and me, and we've both had to compromise along the way and recognise our faults. I think I know you...maybe better than I know myself..and you are _not_ the person John says you are. Caroline, he's lashing out...probably to cover up his own inadequacies." The dark woman took Caroline face in her hands, looking at her seriously, "I will _not_ let you define yourself through his drunken ranting."

Caroline smiled slowly as Kate's words sank in, "You know you're the best thing that ever happened to me don't you?"

Kate returned her girlfriend's smile, happy to see her mood lighten, "Yep", she said confidently. "Right, how about I take my beautiful fiancée and our lovely children out to dinner?"

* * *

A few days later, Kate was at home with Olivia, Caroline was at school later than normal due to a board of governors meeting. Kate had offered to pick Lawrence up from school but he'd declined politely saying that his dad was going to give him a lift.

Kate was fiddling with some bedding plants in front of the house, showing Olivia how to plant them, when John pulled up. Lawrence jumped out, seemingly as excited to see Olivia as she was to see him. Kate used that as a perfect excuse to ask him to take his sister inside and wash her hands in preparation for dinner and Lawrence was happy to comply.

Left alone, John went to get back in the car, having only got out to retrieve Lawrence's sports kit from the boot for him. Kate stepped lightly in front of him blocking his access to the driver's door, "Can I have a word?"

John looked uneasy, "Yes...yes of course."

Kate looked him in the eye for a couple of seconds before speaking, "Your phone call to Caroline last Saturday..."

"Ah...yes. I was..." He tailed off, looking uncomfortable.

"Drunk, abusive and downright nasty?" Kate's voice was even but icy.

"Uh...was I?"

Kate's eyes never left John. His gaze wandered anywhere but making eye contact. "You don't remember?"

"Ummm...I suppose I may've been. I'll..umm...apologise to her."

"Don't bother." John's head shot up at her clipped comment. "It'll have little meaning at this point."

"So..what...can...should..."

"Oh for f..." Kate stopped herself, not wanting the conversation to degenerate. She took a deep breath and gritted her teeth, "Regardless of how you used to treat her, John, Caroline is _not_ your wife any more."

She turned away in exasperation at his blank face and John used the chance to slip back into the driver's seat. Just as he grabbed the door to pull it closed, Kate turned back and pushed her hip into the door to stop him being able to close it. He looked up at her, startled. "I'm sorry...if I upset her...Caroline. I never intended..."

Kate looked at him witheringly, "Then there's just one other thing to say." John cocked his head like an eager puppy and Kate said quietly, looking at him intently, "You _don't_ get to upset her again."

John swallowed and nodded his head. After a few seconds continuing to look at him, Kate took a step back and pushed the car door closed.

* * *

Later that night Kate and Caroline were snuggled up in bed together. The blonde woman was lying on her back and Kate was on her right hand side draped over Caroline like a wanton blanket. Her left leg was hooked lightly over the older woman's and her left arm lay possessively across her ribs. Her hand curved gently upwards and her fingertips just brushed the curve of Caroline's right breast.

Kate raised her head enough to press her lips softly against the older woman's left breast.

Caroline yawned and as Kate glanced at her, said, "Sorry darling, it's not you...you're wonderful."

Kate smiled lovingly, indulgently. "Go to sleep Caroline. I can tell you're exhausted."

"I am a bit tired, yes but..."

"But nothing. Let's sleep."

Caroline's eyes drifted closed and all was quiet for almost a minute before she mumbled, "Kate..."

"Go to sleep, sweetheart."

"Mmmm...just one thing."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Kate smiled, "I love you too."


	9. Chapter 9

**_"We could just...do it"_** [S2, Ep2 - Kate to Caroline]

Kate came into the kitchen to find Caroline dividing dessert mixture into individual dishes. "Mmmmm is that your famous chocolate mousse?"

"It is, yes."

"I thought you told Lawrence you didn't have time to make it so you'd buy him some from M&S or Waitrose?"

"Yes...well, I decided I could make time to do it myself."

"Lawrence will be happy." Kate smiled wolfishly, "So am I."

"It needs to go into the fridge to set properly first." Caroline tried to sound stern but she couldn't help the affection for her girlfriend show in her voice.

"Can I just have a tiny taste?"

Caroline smiled and picked up a teaspoon, "Oh go on then." She dipped the spoon into the bowl and held it out.

Kate walked towards her looking purposeful, never losing eye contact. Caroline swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. Kate reached out for the spoon, taking it from Caroline but then she placed her other hand around the blonde woman's wrist circling it with her fingers.

Caroline looked surprised, "What?"

Kate smiled dangerously. She slid her hand down Caroline's wrist and took her girlfriend's index finger, dipping it into the chocolate mousse on the spoon she held in her other hand. Then, looking seductively into her eyes, Kate put Caroline's finger in her mouth, sucking it sensuously, swirling her tongue around it as she experienced the sensation, tasting the chocolate.

Caroline gasped, her breath hitching in her throat. She pulled her finger slowly out of Kate's mouth and then traced the outline of her lips. Kate leaned into her, "Do you know how sexy I find you when you cook?"

The edges of Caroline's mouth quirked into the beginning of a grin. "Do you? Really?"

From upstairs there came the sound of a baby crying. Kate, with her mouth now inches from Caroline's swore softly. Her breath whispered Caroline's lips.

"I'll go." Caroline stroked Kate's cheek in recognition of a moment lost.

"You sure?"

"Yep." Caroline turned away reluctantly.

"Can you just put the mousse in the fridge please darling?" She turned back as she went through the doorway, with a cheeky smile, "I know how much is there."

Kate stuck her tongue out in response but smiled nonetheless.

* * *

Kate leant on the door jamb and watched as Caroline sat in the chair in Olivia's bedroom, cradling the little girl against her. She stroked her back and her head whilst talking to her so softly that Kate couldn't hear what she was saying.

Olivia looked sleepily up at Caroline, her expression one of love, trust and childlike devotion. Caroline bent over and kissed her daughter's head, still whispering to her, then stroked her cheek. Kate saw Olivia's eyes droop closed, her long lashes sweeping gently downwards.

Olivia grasped her right arm with her left hand as if in comfort. In sleep, her tiny fingers plucked at the sleeve of her sleep suit. Caroline watched the movement feeling an overwhelming sense of protection and then stroked Olivia's little hand as if to soothe her agitation. The little girl relaxed under Caroline's touch and her hand fell to her side.

Caroline got up from the chair in one smooth movement, for the first time noticing Kate in the doorway. She smiled at her, then gently transferred Olivia back to her cot, covering her with her duvet, smoothing it over the little girl's now sleeping form. Caroline stroked Olivia's head one more time before turning away and walking out of the room.

Kate leaned into her partner, putting her arm around her waist, as she joined her and kissed her cheek. "You're so good with her."

Caroline smiled, "So are you."

"What were you talking to her about?"

Caroline hesitated then said, "Avogadro's Law."

Kate looked at the blonde headmistress in astonishment. "As in...Chemistry?!"

"Yes." Caroline looked sheepish but defiant before continuing, "Well you speak to her in French and Italian. I just want her to have the same...opportunities in science."

Kate burst out laughing as they entered their own bedroom, "You do know how old she is don't you?"

"She's very bright", Caroline retorted, although her eyes sparkled.

"Well, between us she'll certainly have a very good, well-rounded education", Kate said, then continued, not entirely seriously, "Although we could be accused of hothousing her I suppose."

"Hothousing, ha! Aren't we just giving her the advantage of well educated parents?"

"Of course we are Caroline. If we have the ability to give her that advantage, why wouldn't we just do it?"

Caroline looked at Kate sternly, "You're mocking me aren't you?"

"Would I?" Kate tried to keep a straight face but her eyes sparkled.

Caroline took a step toward her. "Yes. You would."

Kate took a step back, smiling now. "You've got me all wrong."

Caroline took another quick step forward, putting her hands on Kate's hips. "Oh, I think I've got you very, _very_ right." She pivoted around taking Kate with her, pulling her down on the bed as they turned.

Caroline captured Kate's lips in a searing kiss and pulled her closer, sliding her hands from Kate's hips to her bottom to do so. After a while Kate pulled away slightly to gasp breathily, "I hope Avogadro's Law has settled our daughter successfully...because I _really_ don't want to be interrupted now."

* * *

Caroline lay snuggled in Kate's arms, her eyes heavy and her body sated. Kate bent her head to kiss Caroline's forehead before saying in a soft but husky voice, "God, I love you."

Caroline smiled, snuggling closer, "Love you too. That was...wonderful"

Kate opened her mouth to say something then seemingly thought better of it and closed it again. There was a long pause before she asked quietly, "Caroline?"

"Mmmmmhmmm?"

"Do you ever...miss...sex...with a man?" Kate's voice was hesitant.

Caroline's eyes sprang open like traps. "What?!" She looked up at Kate, astounded, then raised herself on one elbow to better look into her face. "Oh." She paused, then, "Are you asking because of what we've...how we just...?" Her question tailed off.

Kate nodded, her expression a little guarded but clearly worried. "Kate! Why would you?...Oh Kate." Caroline moved up the bed to look her girlfriend in the eye. She stroked Kate's cheek, looking at her a little sadly. "Sweetheart, regardless of _how_ we make love, the important thing for me is that it's _you_ that's making love to me. I always know it's you...and it's always you I want to make love with...so no, I don't miss anything about anybody else I may have slept with."

Kate smiled slowly, her eyes full of the love she felt. She drew Caroline's face to her and kissed her slowly, sweetly.

When the kiss ended Caroline asked gently, "You ok?"

Kate nodded, "Sorry, I was just feeling a bit...uncertain. I don't know why. It's not anything you've done."

Caroline was at a loss for how to further reassure her girlfriend so she just took her in her arms and cuddled her. She drew the sheet over them both, smoothing it over their bodies, sealing them in its crisp whiteness. She inspected the tight weave of the cotton sheet and wished she was better at expressing her emotions.

There was silence for some time and then Caroline suddenly said, "Kate, how about we go shopping for wedding rings tomorrow...see if we can find some we like?"

Kate kissed Caroline's cheek, looking delighted, "Yes, let's do it. We've got to find something we like eventually."

* * *

The two women stood looking in a jeweller's window together. "Hmm...not sure there's anything here." Caroline sounded disappointed. "They're all either very...plain or...garish. Nothing just a little bit...different."

Kate nodded in agreement, then her eyes lit up as she spied something amid the display. "Oh Caroline, look! Over there...the his and hers rings. They're nice."

Caroline looked to where Kate was pointing. "Oh yes...they _are_ nice. Good spot. Let's go and see if we can inspect them a little closer."

Caroline stood at the counter waiting for the member of staff to come off the phone. The sales assistant indicated her apologies and that she wouldn't be long. Caroline smiled her acceptance and understanding. She glanced over at Kate, who was browsing the rest of the shop to make sure she hadn't missed anything.

"Sorry to keep you waiting madam. What can I do for you?" The sales assistant's smile was clearly well practised.

Caroline flashed her own professional smile, "Yes. You have some his and hers wedding rings in your window display...the ones under the weddings banner."

"Ah yes, I know the ones."

Caroline took a breath. "Do you have a similar hers and hers set?"

The sales assistant looked confused, "Sorry?"

Caroline tried to ignore her usual 'not suffering fools gladly' reaction and patiently said, "Could I see the similar set for two women please?"

The colour started to rise on the sales assistant's neck, "Ummm...we only have them for weddings."

Caroline gritted her teeth, "Yes. That's what I want them for. A same sex wedding."

"Oh. I see." She was clearly feeling uncomfortable. "I'm afraid we don't have those in a set."

"Then can't you just take two women's rings and match them into a set?" Caroline's tone was icy.

"No madam, we can't split the sets I'm afraid."

"Why ever not?" Caroline's voice took on the tone she used when faced with a particularly unruly and recalcitrant teenager.

"It's just not company policy I'm afraid. They come in sets and that's the way we have to sell them."

Caroline visibly bristled. "That sounds very much like discrimination to me."

Kate, having either heard or sensed her girlfriend's annoyance suddenly appeared by her side. "Is there something wrong Caroline?" She placed her hand comfortingly in the small of Caroline's back.

"Kate. Yes, there is something wrong, darling. Apparently this..._business_ thinks it's ok to discriminate against certain sections of society despite it being 2014 and there being laws in place to legislate against that."

Kate could feel that her girlfriend's muscles had tensed to the point of feeling like sheet steel. "Ah, I see." Kate's tone was quiet and controlled and those who didn't know her would probably never know she was angry. "Then it sounds like a business we don't want to be spending our money in, doesn't it?"

She put some gentle pressure on Caroline's back to urge her away from the counter. Kate cast a beatific smile at the sales assistant as she turned away. "Thank you ever so much for your sterling service today. Please be assured we will give the appropriate feedback and pass our recommendations around the entire community." She put her arm around Caroline's waist as they walked out of the shop.

* * *

Ten minutes later the two were ensconced in a coffee shop. Caroline was clearly still seething. Kate leaned across the table and took her hand, "Are you ok?"

"Not really, no. Kate, that woman...was...bloody vile. She had no right to do what she did!"

"No, she didn't but it happens Caroline, even in this day and age. I'm just sorry you had to experience it."

"Kate, it's not _your_ fault! Don't you apologise!" Caroline seemed incensed at the thought of her girlfriend feeling bad for her.

Kate sighed quietly, "I wasn't apologising sweetheart, I just...don't want you to have to experience that kind of negativity."

Caroline recognised Kate was worried she might have been put off the whole endeavour. "I'm a big girl Kate, I can handle a bigot or two."

Kate played with the spoon in the sugar, watching the granules shift like a sand dune in a storm. She was concerned that, despite Caroline's protestations, the incident in the jewellery shop had affected her enthusiasm.

Caroline watched Kate intently, her head cocked slightly to one side. Kate's eyes darted everywhere but on Caroline's face.

Caroline vaguely registered being in a similar situation before and not being in a position to make Kate feel better. She suddenly had an idea, "Kate, do you remember at Liz and Lisa's housewarming we met their friend Jess?"

Kate looked confused, wondering why Caroline was suddenly bringing this up. "Yes. Why?"

"Well, if you remember she told us she designed and made jewellery. Why don't we give her a call and see if she'd be able to make our wedding rings?"

Kate's face lit up. "Oh yes!"

"And this way, we wouldn't have to settle for someone else's design. Kate, we could just do it ourselves!"

Kate beamed at her girlfriend, "You are a genius Caroline Elliot!"


	10. Chapter 10

**_"I think it will always be about you.._**" [S2, Ep4 - Kate to Caroline]

It had been just another ordinary day. Saturday, shopping in town; Kate, Olivia and her. She had gone to get Celia a birthday card while Kate, with Olivia finished shopping in Boots. Wandering back to rejoin them, the mist of the encounter with the uncommunicative youth in WH Smith still settled annoyingly around her shoulders, she turned the corner to see Kate laughing, her hand outstretched touching another woman's arm.

The woman was attractive. Who was she kidding? The woman was...bloody stunning. A shiny, honey coloured bob topped an open, even-featured face: wide green eyes, high cheekbones, flawless skin, full mouth. God, she looked like she'd just stepped out of an advert for shampoo! Caroline wanted to turn around and pretend she'd never seen it. Kate and this woman. Laughing together. Kate and this...beautiful woman.

Caroline found that her legs had continued to walk toward Kate, while her mind had been racing. Kate turned, smiling as she arrived, "Caroline. This is Kim. An old friend. Kim, this is Caroline, my partner." Kate drew Caroline to her, putting her arm around her waist.

Caroline flashed her best smile, holding out her hand, "Kim, hi. Pleased to meet you."

Kim took her hand, "Caroline, hi. Kate was just telling me all about you." Her smile was beguiling, her green eyes flashed. For some reason Caroline was reminded of the Sirens of Greek mythology. She thought about saying something witty but nothing materialised. Their hands unfastened and returned to their respective owners.

Lost in her thoughts, Caroline suddenly realised Kim was talking. "So, Kate. Here...", she handed her her phone, "...put your number in there. I'll give you a call and we can arrange a time to meet up. Catch up properly." Kate smiled her beautiful smile, took the phone and did as asked before handing it back. "Great", Kim flashed that model smile again. "Ok, got to go, babe. I'll call you. Soon." She leant over and kissed Kate's cheek. Caroline could smell her perfume and her endearment lingered in the air oppressively. Kim turned to Caroline, "Great to meet you Caroline." That smile again.

"Yes. You too", Caroline felt more in control as Kim started to withdraw. Walked away. Her shoulders relaxed.

She turned to Kate, "So. She seems nice. How long have you known her?"

"God. Ages." Kate smiled a little warily but gave her waist a little squeeze before she removed her arm to take hold of Olivia's buggy.

The two women started to walk back to the car. "She's very...pretty." Caroline's words were deliberately light but the air around them felt heavy.

"Yes. She always...has been." Kate seemed circumspect but then continued in a rush, "Caroline, it was a long time ago but we dated. For a while."

"Oh. Ok." A small muscle twitched in Caroline's neck. "I can certainly see why you'd be attracted to her."

"I just...wanted you to know. But it was a long time ago. Ancient history."

Caroline smiled tightly, "Kim and Kate. Sounds rather...twee lesbian stereotype."

Kate threw Caroline an amused look, "Since when do you know about lesbian stereotypes?"

"I'm not entirely unaware of lesbian...stuff, you know."

Kate sniggered, "Well if you ever go on Mastermind, _lesbian stuff_ can be your specialist subject then."

Caroline threw Kate a look that was intended to be withering but when she saw Kate's face, her eyebrow lifted in amusement, she couldn't help but laugh at herself before muttering, "I may just do that."

"Well, if you need any help..._studying_...just let me know", Kate's tone was deliberately suggestive.

Caroline adopted a similar tone as she said in a low voice, "Oh, I will."

* * *

"What do you think, Olivia, will it sink or float?" Caroline knelt by the bath handing the little girl a plastic duck.

"Ummmm...I think...foat!" She took the plastic toy and placed it carefully in front of her on the water. The duck listed to one side, half floating at a seemingly impossible angle, its moulded plastic wing skimming the water's surface, its base partially submerged. Olivia looked at it thoughtfully, "It mostly foat mama, but bit sink too."

Caroline smiled lovingly and stroked Olivia's cheek, "That's right chicken, it is!"

From the doorway Kate said wryly, "Another science lesson I see."

Caroline looked up at her girlfriend, "You look...very nice."

Kate smiled, "Thanks."

"You sure you don't want me to give you a lift?"

"No thanks sweetheart, I'm not intending to drink." Kate looked at Caroline intently, "Are you sure you're ok with me going?"

Caroline did her best to look astounded, "Of course I am Kate! Do you think I'd tell you who you could and couldn't see?!" She looked back to Olivia as a way of not having to retain eye contact.

"Of course I don't darling." Kate looked at Caroline, almost a little sadly, "I love you, y'know."

"I love you too." Caroline could feel tears pricking her eyes although she had no idea why. She turned away again.

"Ok then, I'll be off." Kate bent to kiss Olivia's head. "'Night sweetheart, be good for mama."

"Night mummy", Olivia said distractedly as she filled and poured a jug onto the duck, still listing in the water. The duck bobbed up and down frantically, its plastic smile still plastered to its face. Caroline watched the duck and held her breath.

"I'll see you later, sweetheart. I won't be late." Kate bent again to kiss Caroline's lips but could only reach the very corner of her mouth as she busied herself playing with Olivia.

Without looking around Caroline said cheerily, "Yep. Have fun. Say hi to Kim for me."

Kate looked at her quizzically for a moment and then turned away, "Will do."

Caroline held the duck under the water and then released it, watching it bob to the surface. Her breath stuck in her throat and she gave a half sob.

Olivia looked at her, "Where mummy gone?"

Caroline stroked the little girl's arm, "She's gone to see a friend, darling."

"Oh. Mummy gone pay date?"

"Yes. Like a play...date." Caroline picked the duck out of the water and squeezed it. A stream of water came out of the small hole in the bottom. She put it back in the bath, where it floated upright properly.

"Mama fix the duck!" Olivia sounded as overjoyed as only a small child could at something so easy to achieve.

"Yes darling, mama fixed the duck", Caroline said joylessly.

* * *

The house phone rang at around 8pm. Caroline answered it to find it was Celia phoning 'for a chat'.

"You answered that quickly, were you sitting on it?"

"I just...didn't want Olivia to wake up, she's only just gone to sleep."

"Is she alright, the little chick?"

"She's fine mum, just a bit late to settle tonight."

There was a pause and then Celia said, "Are you ok Caroline? You sound...a bit..."

"A bit what?"

"Oh I don't know. At sixes and sevens I suppose."

"I'm fine mum."

Celia was clearly unconvinced. "Have you and Kate had a row?"

"No mum, Kate's not even here." Caroline could've cut her tongue out as soon as she'd said it.

"Oh? Where is she then?"

Caroline tried to sound upbeat, "She's out...with a friend."

"A friend? How come you haven't gone with her?" Celia clearly had the bit between her teeth now.

Caroline stopped herself sighing, "It's someone she used to da...know a while ago. I've only met her very briefly. It makes sense that it's just her and Kate...they'll want to...reminisce...I expect."

There was a marked pause at the other end of the line, then Celia said, "So she's an...ex-girlfriend is she, this woman?"

Caroline stared at the ceiling and wished she'd just ignored the bloody phone. "

Caroline? Is she?" Celia was nothing if not tenacious.

Caroline sighed, "Yes mum, I believe they did date for a little while...ages ago."

"Oh. Is that...normal then?"

Caroline's tone was clipped, "Is _what_ normal?"

"Being...friendly...with someone you used to...date?"

"I believe it can be done, yes."

"And you're...alright with that are you?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Caroline couldn't stop herself snapping.

"No reason. Just...wondered." Celia paused, floundering a bit and then when Caroline didn't respond, "It's not like Kate would...well, she's very straightforward isn't she?"

Caroline studied the crack in the ceiling and wondered if it had got bigger. "Anyway mum", she said brightly, "I've got some paperwork to finish. I'll see you in the week, will I?"

* * *

Caroline was in bed when Kate came home. She looked at the clock as she heard the car's wheels crunch on the drive and noticed that it was 11:11.

A couple of minutes later Kate came quietly into the bedroom. "I'm not asleep, so there's no need to be extra quiet."

"Oh good." Caroline could hear the smile in her voice. "I was worried I might wake you."

"Did you...have a nice time?" Caroline didn't really want to know the answer.

"Yes", Kate's reply was tentative.

"It sounds like there's a 'but' missing." Caroline tried not to let the hope shine through the darkness.

"No. It was nice to spend some time...catching up. We're just...quite different these days."

"How so?" Caroline felt the hope escape her chest and rise up like a feather on the breeze.

"Hold on. I just want to brush my teeth." Kate was already in the en-suite. She put the light on over the mirror. Caroline could see her illuminated gently, her skin golden, her face glowing and beautiful. So beautiful. The feather started to spiral downwards.

Kate brushed her teeth and Caroline looked at the ceiling. No cracks here. Maybe she'd missed a crack. She looked harder in the dim light, straining her eyes.

The light snapped off and she could hear Kate moving into the bedroom. The gentle rustle of clothes being removed followed. Caroline started to feel exposed.

Kate slipped into bed and immediately snuggled up to Caroline. Her skin was cool and precious like gold or platinum. Caroline was afraid to touch her in case she left marks, blemishes.

"Caroline, are you tired?"

"I'm...ok."

There was a pause and then Kate said, "Kim and I, we're...different people now. Well, I am certainly. I think she's the same actually. Still full of life, ready to party. Still...Kim."

Caroline heard herself, as if from underwater, ask, "Did you...love her?"

She heard Kate take a sharp breath before saying, "Caroline, it was such a long time ago."

"She's very beautiful, Kate."

"Caroline. _You_ are beautiful." Kate raised herself to peer into Caroline's face in the dark.

"We're not talking about me, Kate." Caroline's voice shook despite herself.

"She's part of my past Caroline, my dim and distant past."

"She seemed very present to me."

"Caroline, sweetheart...she's an ex...a friend. We have shared history but that's it. My life now is about you and Olivia."

"Then why does it feel like it's all about her? Like she's swept in and...lit up your life?" Caroline felt like she was drowning in feathers. Like they were suffocating her.

"Caroline, you're wrong you know. It's not about anybody except you. It never has been." She paused, looking into Caroline's eyes deeply, Caroline could see Kate's eyes glinting, seriously in the light from the bedside clock. "From the moment we first kissed...and with every moment after it's been about you. I think it will always be about you."

The suffocating weight that had been on Caroline's chest lifted suddenly with the force of Kate's words. She surfaced, gasping into the night. Into their bed. Hers and Kate's. Caroline wrapped her arms around her. Buoyant. Safe.


	11. Chapter 11

**_"I hope you know me better than that."_** [S2, Ep5 - Caroline to Kate]

(*With thanks - and apologies - to VW, in a room of her own somewhere.)

Caroline said she would buy the flowers herself*. In fact she knew it was only if she bought them herself that they'd be...right. Celia had offered. Kate would probably have done it. But if she was entirely honest Caroline only trusted herself. She knew what they wanted. What would look best. What would complement their outfits, the rest of the decoration and decor. So here she was first thing on a Saturday morning, in town on her way to the florist.

She'd parked the car and was walking to the florist she always used. She'd bought Kate flowers there before. Kate always deserved flowers. She'd buy Kate flowers every day if she could...if Kate didn't think it was an over the top extravagance. Sometimes that's what she told Caroline. Nicely - Kate was so nice to her, so sweet - but she told her off about it nonetheless. So she limited buying her flowers to times when she could justify it. Birthdays, anniversaries, celebrations. And this. Well this would be the biggest celebration of all.

Caroline watched a group of pigeons around an abandoned burger. From the night before no doubt. They all took what they needed. Sharing without squabbling. Without even communicating seemingly. She wondered how they knew what each other wanted. How they felt.

She thought back to earlier that morning. Caroline had woken up first. Probably because she knew she needed to get to the florist early. She lay there and watched Kate sleeping, listening for a sign that Olivia was awake. No sign yet. She revelled in this time. Being with Kate. Alone with Kate.

"Are you watching me?" Kate's mumbled question without opening her eyes made Caroline smile.

"Yep."

"Stalker." Kate smiled and opened her eyes as she said it.

"Stalker?! That's quite an accusation, Ms McKenzie."

Kate grinned, "Yeah, it'd probably never hold up in court." She yawned then took on a pompous tone. "So you're saying you sleep with the accused every night Ms McKenzie? And you're planning to marry her very soon?" She laughed, "Case dismissed!" Kate stroked Caroline's cheek before leaning in for a soft kiss. When the kiss ended she drew back slightly, looking into Caroline's eyes, "Good morning."

"Good morning."

Kate snuggled into Caroline, her head on her shoulder. There was a comfortable silence, then Kate said, "I thought I might phone Richard today."

Caroline felt the stone return to settle in her chest. Granite. Unpolished, glinting with raw quartz. "Oh ok. Did he reply to your email?"

"Yes. He sounded...sad. Resigned. I just thought...if I could talk to him then I'd...be able to...Oh I don't know, make him less so. Am I being daft?"

"No, it's not daft. You're not daft. Phone him. I'm sure you're right." The stone shifted. Grew crystals; hard, jagged. "Why don't you do that this morning? I'll pop into town, see the florist."

"Oh", Kate lifted her head to look at Caroline's face. "I thought we were going to do that together."

"There's no need Kate. I can just as easily do it. And we've already discussed colours and what we want generally, haven't we?"

"I suppose so." Kate sounded quietly disappointed. "You'll let me know the final plan, once you've spoken to the florist?"

"Of course Kate! I'd hardly shut you out of something like that."

"Ok. Good." She didn't look reassured.

Caroline tried to ignore the ache in her chest. She stretched her face into a smile and kissed Kate's head.

* * *

Caroline stood on the kerb outside the florist watching taxis vying for position. She had the perpetual sense, as she watched the taxi cabs, of being out, out, far out to sea and alone*. She'd been in and she'd chatted with the florist (Sue, who'd remembered her and who was delighted that she'd been thought of for her wedding, especially as her sister was apparently gay too) but had been unable to give any final order to her. She had no idea why. But when it came to it, Caroline had been totally impotent in making a decision about the flowers. She felt like a fool. She felt lost.

She turned to walk back to the car. Tried to ground herself in feeling her shoes hit the pavement with every step she took. Her mind took her unwillingly back to that day she'd gone around to Kate's house to try one last time to apologise. She remembered walking back to her car after Kate had said, "No. Thank you." She'd felt like this then. Adrift.

"Any spare change lady?"

Caroline looked down. In a closed shop doorway sat a man with a paper plate in front of him upon which sat a few coins. He was of indeterminate age, mostly due to the fact he looked like he hadn't had a wash for several years. His eyes however were a piercing blue and seemed to look into her soul. She blinked feeling unnerved and fished in her bag for her purse, "Yes, of course. Hold on.."

"Nice ring." The man's voice was soft, non-threatening. Caroline remembered her mum cuddling her after she'd fallen over in the park one day. She could only have been about four. Celia had tried to distract her from her grazed elbow by complimenting the plastic ring she was proudly wearing. She'd told her it was a ruby and Caroline, even though she knew it wasn't, had agreed with her proudly.

"Thanks", she said to the homeless man. She touched her ring gently like it was a talisman. Totemic. Caressed the stone in passing. "I'm getting married next month." _Why had she said that?_

"To love makes one solitary*", the man said.

Caroline looked up sharply, "Does it?"

"So they say."

Caroline scrabbled in her purse, picked out all her loose change and handed it to him. "Who's 'they'?"

"Thanks." Their eyes connected. Caroline felt like his gaze knew her. Like she didn't have to explain or apologise. "Well, in this instance it was Virginia Woolf who said it. Whether we should be taking any notice of her of course...well, that's a different matter altogether."

"Is it?" Caroline was genuinely interested.

"It depends on whether you see her as the literary genius some say she was or just a mad old bird who drowned herself." He smiled wryly, "However, she also wrote, 'it is a thousand pities never to say what one feels*', which seems a more insightful truth to me." He paused, looking at her intently, "Don't you think?"

Caroline looked at him. Saw the truth beyond the grime of his existence. "Yes. I suppose it is."

* * *

Arriving back home, she found Kate sitting in the kitchen, drinking a cup of tea.

"Where's Olivia?"

"Celia and Alan have taken her to the park." Kate's reply was curt.

"Oh, that's nice."

"Isn't it." Icy.

Caroline had met this Kate before. She had no idea how to deal with her however. The stone in her chest threatened to obliterate all reason.

"Is there any more tea in the pot?" Caroline tried to sound breezy.

Kate ignored her. "So. Have _you_ decided what flowers _we're_ having for _our_ wedding?"

Caroline recoiled from Kate's scathing tone. Tried to appease. "No, I haven't. I'd like us to make that decision together, Kate."

"Right. Of course. That's why you went to the florist on your own."

Caroline reacted as only she knew how. Serve, volley, backhand smash. Hit and it won't hurt. "Well I expect it gave you plenty of time to chat with your ex-husband. To make him feel better."

"Oh for _fuck's_ sake Caroline! Grow up!"

The world wavered and quivered and threatened to burst into flames*. Caroline had been here before. Oh god had she been here before. She gripped the countertop. Breathed heavily. There was a gentle buzzing in her head. Felt like she might faint. The quartz twinkled temptingly. She looked up at Kate, ignoring the safety of the stone, tried to latch onto her presence instead. "Actually I'd decided to go to the florist on my own before you told me about phoning Richard." Her voice was quiet, uncertain.

Kate looked at her in astonishment. Anger barely concealed. "_What_!"

"Kate...please. Can I...talk to you..._properly_? Please?"

Kate took a deep breath. Her eyes glinted angrily, "Well it would make a bloody change."

Caroline sat down next to Kate and forced herself to look into her angry face. "Kate I...I'm not great at this...well, you know that..", she scoffed quietly, "...but I want to get better." Kate said nothing. Retained eye contact. "Right, well...I think...I think I've been scared..I _am_ scared."

"What are you scared _of_ Caroline?" Kate's voice calmer now, her eyes softer.

"I'm...well...ummm...I..." She took a deep breath, forced it around the stone into her lungs. "I'm scared of...not being able to control things."

Kate looked confused. "Me? You want to control me?"

"No! But...Kate, do you...want this? Do you..._really_ want this?"

"Caroline!" Kate looked shocked. "Why are you asking? You _know_ I do?"

"I have to...know that you're sure." Caroline looked past Kate at the wall. "I can't...I can't be in a position where I lose you...again." She swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump of molten hurt that was rising in her chest towards her throat. "If...you're not sure then please just tell me now."

"Caroline. Apart from anything else, do you think I would've let it go this far if I wasn't fully committed?" She looked at her, her expression clear, open. "I hope you know me better than that."

"I think I do." Caroline's voice was quiet.

"You do, Caroline. You know you do." Kate reached out and cupped Caroline's chin, forcing her to make eye contact.

Caroline felt the stone crack. The fissure was clean and smooth. No splinters, no flints. The crack led into another crack and another until the stone broke into small pieces that crumbled into dust and then disappeared.

Fear no more, says the heart...*


End file.
